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WELCOME!

Welcome to Recovery, Light, and Life...
I am Chris Epson and I am in recovery from pornography and sex addiction.  I know there are people who believe that those are not addictions, but just choices.  But I can affirm that they are addictions, as insidious and dark as any addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or anything else.  I struggled with this on and off for over fifty years, and at the rock bottom of my struggle I had lost my ability to choose...I was "past feeling".  But I was saved, literally.  And to go from darkness to light has been the greatest blessing of my life.
I am married to an amazing, very forgiving wife, Marilyn.  We have two grown children, Kristen and Adam, and six awesome grandchildren.  We are both from California, and have lived many years in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah.  We are Christians, and members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Why is this important?  Because this journey of recovery we have been on for the past three …
Recent posts

FORGIVENESS FEELS AMAZING!

"Nothing just goes away in the spiritual world; all must be reconciled and accounted for."
                    Richard Rohr

"The atonement can wash clean every stain no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated...
The atonement leaves no tracks, no traces.  What it fixes is fixed...it just heals, and what it heals stays healed."
                    Boyd K. Packer

"Let us put no limitations on the premortal promises of Grace carrying us through our transformations.  More goes forward in our behalf than we can know, but what we can know is that as we yield to spiritual things, our relationship with Divinity shifts and more transforming processes become available."
                    F. Enzio Busche

There are a couple of scriptures that I have come to love inrecovery, which didn't mean much to me before.  One is in the first chapter of Isaiah, verses 18 and 19:
"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be a…

GRACE...WHERE I WAS

"My grace is sufficient"
                  Jesus

"Grace wins every time"
                  Matthew West

"Choose to live in the Grace of the day"
                    Phillip Yancey


Why, and how, did I become so very, very sick that day in Las Vegas?  There was no explainable reason for it.  I was literally stuck in bed...until I reached out for help and called Marilyn.  But why?  Lynne and I discussed that when I was at Desert Solace, and we believe...and now I am sure of it...that it was Grace at work.  Divine intervention.

I was trying to not just run away from home, my family, and my life, but I was also running away from God.  From Jesus, and from His atonement.  He paid a huge price for me, and He wasn't going to let it all go to waste.  So I hit "rock bottom" and then had the opportunity to climb out, and that opportunity was His Grace.

Grace is mentioned all through the scriptures, ancient and modern.  Jesus introduces himself more than onc…

ABUNDANCE, GRATITUDE, OR...IT'S NEVER ENOUGH

"A STATE OF GRATITUDE IS A STATE OF LOVE." 
                    LYNNE CLARK BRUNSON

"I AM COME THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE LIFE, AND THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY."
                    JESUS

"DON'T PLAY LIFE SMALL - THERE IS ABUNDANCE OUT THERE.  DON'T SETTLE FOR CRUMBS."
                    SHANE SCOTT


How many of us live a life of abundance?  And what exactly does that even mean?  Jesus mentioned it...and I believe that most Christians think that what He said in chapter 10 of John, talking about giving us life, was a reference to life after this one.  But I've discovered, and firmly believe, that Jesus was talking about this life...not the next one.  He came to give us Life, and a more abundant Life.

Here's what I discovered in Desert Solace, and on my recovery path since then...this Life that Jesus offers me is so much better than the darkness I lived in as an addict.  It is full of light.  Full of Love.  Full of...everything good.  It…

FEAR...OR LOVE?

"Fear is a Liar"
                    Zach Williams

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."
                   Jesus

"Love Does"
                    Bob Goff



How many times in scripture does God, or the Savior, say "Fear not", or "Do not be afraid"?  Too many times to count.  Why?  What's the big deal with fear?  What's the problem?

For many, many years I lived in fear.  Of course I didn't really know it, or realize it, but I did.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not being or doing enough, fear that I just wasn't enough.  Fear that I didn't, and wouldn't, have enough money.  Fear of losing my job.  Fear of not appearing to be in control, even when I wasn't.  Fear of the future.  Fear of the past...that it would catch up to me, and all my bad choices and regrets would come crashing down on me. Fear of pretty much everything.  I was living scared, and it was slowly destroying me.

But I learne…

WHO AM I?

"Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well"
                                         Joy D. Jones


"Your worth is set...everything else is just experience"
                                         Amy



I had some of my most spiritually sensitive moments while doing yoga with our instructor, Miriam.  We would travel every Tuesday and Thursday to her studio on Main Street in St. George to spend an hour in yoga.  I was by far the oldest guy in our group, and no doubt the least flexible...yoga was difficult, but over time I grew to love it, although I was never very good at it.  Miriam is maybe almost my age, and a wise, kind, loving, person...full of spirit and wonderful energy.  I will say that yoga, and Miriam, were very good for me, even though I wasn't very good at yoga. (She whispered in my ear one time, "You're a stiff old man)...and it was so true!

One session, at the end while we were lying on our backs practicing shavasana, with soft music…

LET'S READ A BOOK...

"A good book is an event in my life."
                    Stendhal


"Whenever you read a good book...a door opens to allow in more light."
                   Vera Nazarian

"One of the fundamental principles of Mormonism is to receive truth, let it come from whence it may."
                    Joseph Smith


Yea, that's a picture of our bookshelf.  It's in our home office, and has all kinds of books sitting on it's shelves.  I do love to read.  I've read probably 70 or more books in recovery the past three and a half years, and I just keep reading.  Here's what I've discovered...there are a lot, and I mean a LOT, of really wise, smart, kind, truth seeking, truth loving, remarkable people out there who write books.  And I have learned so much from them, and continue to do so.  But really it's not just in the learning.  It's in the experiencing.  What is really fun is to read a sentence, a paragraph, or a chapter and have that moment …

GET REAL...BE INTENTIONAL

"Remember that discipleship is not about doing things perfectly; it's about doing things intentionally.  God...merely wants you to keep intentionally trying."
             Dieter F. Uchtdorf


"Wisdom says that we can control only our intent.  We cannot control the past or the future, and we cannot control the consequences of what we do...our happiness would be greater as we humbly accepted what finally played out."


As part of our every single morning check-in at Desert Solace, we would state our intention for the day, and share that with the group.  And before an activity, especially equine, the activity would be discussed with us...usually just the very basics of what we would attempt to achieve...and then each of us would say, "I choose into this activity and intend to experience, or create, ________.
So I learned right away, and over my ninety days there, the power of intention.

I had been living much of my life "unconsciously"...I hadn't rea…