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WELCOME!

Welcome to Recovery, Light, and Life... I am Chris Epson and I'm in recovery from pornography and sex addiction.  I know there are people who believe that those are not addictions, but just choices.  And that's true...poor choice after poor choice after poor choice...will inevitably become that thing which robs us of our ability to choose.  So I can affirm that they are, in fact, addictions, as insidious and dark as any addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or anything else.  At least they become so for me.  I struggled with this on and off for over fifty years, and at the rock bottom of my struggle I had lost my ability to choose...I was "past feeling".  But I was saved, literally.  And to go from darkness to light has been the greatest blessing of my life. I am married to an amazing, very forgiving wife, Marilyn.  We have two grown children, Kristen and Adam, and six awesome grandchildren.  We are both from Cali
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Recent posts

LIVING UNASHAMED...THE POWER OF YOUR STORY

 " Steward whatever is in your story."           Katherine Wolf "We each have a path in front of us that leads to our biggest, best, and highest purpose.  It's the dream we've been given but are not yet prepared for.  We stare at the path knowing not what's required, only that it's more than we're capable of.  It's designed that way."           Mark Stuart  "Losing My Voice to Find It" "We recover loudly so others don't suffer in silence."          Brian We each have a story, and that story has great power.  Of course, you might say that's crazy, that your particular story is of no consequence, and that it doesn't matter...to anyone.  But it matters to you, and even though you may not think so, it matters to God.  Your story is what got you to where you are now.  But know this...where you are now is not your ultimate destination.  It's just a moment in time, it's just today.  There is a lot more in stor
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LABELS...

  "Jesus went around saying, 'Repent.'  I don't think that necessarily means we should feel guilty and shameful about things we've done.  I think it means rethink the story of your loves and open yourself to a different and better ending."           Brian McClaren "In this world, maybe a self is not a truth waiting to be discovered so much as a constant construction zone.  Like any road, the way I express myself can link me to other people and things, but there are always going to be some potholes and orange cones along the way."                                James Goldberg Labels.  How easy is it to just label someone or something with a single word or phrase?  And how much easier is it to do that to ourselves?  And how easy is it to believe the labels given to us by others, even when they might be well intentioned?  We live in a world of labels and in a world of assumptions.  We live in a world of supposed stereotypes, and we do it to ourselves al
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DRIVIN' DOWN THE HIGHWAY...

  "Recovery is like learning to drive a car."           Nathan "'Sir,' they say, 'we would {like to} see Jesus.'  That is what we all want - we want to see Jesus for who He is and to feel His love."           Robert M. Daines In our Thursday night couples' Addiction Recovery meeting, a young man named Nathan, who had been attending for just a few weeks, shared the idea of recovery being like driving a car.  Of course, we'd love it to be the Ferarri I'm sitting in here, but most of the time it's not going to be a six figure sports car.  And it doesn't really matter.  Nathan's point was this...when we first learn to drive, we are very, very focused.  Our hands are at the 10 and 2 positions on the steering wheel, the radio is off, we are super vigilant to obey the speed limit, and there's definitely some fear and uncertainty involved.  It's a learning process, and we always learn best with an instructor. But over time we
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THE ROAD BACK...

"The good news of the gospel is not just that we have accepted Jesus into our lives, but...that He as already accepted us into His."        James and Judith McConkie "In Christ, the future is given as though it had already come.  There's no reason to rush.  There's no reason to fear.  There's no reason to feel ashamed...There's room in the present for each thing to have it's season.  There's room for agency and creativity.  There's room for spirit.  There's space to breath.  There's time for love."        Adam Miller Yes, Marilyn and I attended church that morning, and although I can't tell you who the speakers were or what was said from the pulpit that morning, I do remember the feeling of being there.  It was where I was supposed to be, and I knew it...more that morning than ever.  Marilyn was worried a little.  What would people think when I just passed along the sacrament tray, but didn't take the bread or water?  Well
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GRACE...LOSING WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT

  "Grace is not God's backup plan."                    Adam Miller "Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more."                    Doctrine and Covenants 58:42 "I used to think there were some prisons you couldn't escape from, but I know there's no place I can go where God can't rescue me."                    Bob Goff I've mentioned my experience of losing my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in a previous post, but have felt that maybe this story needs further detail and explantation...because the whole idea of excommunication (the language has changed since then - it is now called "withdrawal of membership) is greatly misunderstood in and out of the church.  I know that I certainly misunderstood it for the better part of sixty years.  Of course, all I know is what I have experienced, and everyone's experience is different.  And I'm sur
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THE RHYTHM OF RECOVERY...SLOWING DOWN

  "Instant gratification is the way of our culture; it is the norm,  the expectation."           Morgan Snyder "Be quick, but don't hurry."           John Wooden In his wonderful book, "Becoming a King," Morgan Snyder writes..."Western culture is...a gospel of progress and the presumed supremacy of reason, information, instant gratification, technological advancement, and above all else, convenience."  We live in a world of NOW.  Drive through pharmacies, fast food restaurants, banks, and more.  It just takes too long and too much effort to get out of our car.  And if we don't want to leave the house, there is always Uber Eats, Door Dash, and of course, Amazon.  Whenever I want a new book, or a new shirt, or...really, anything...I can order it and it'll be at my door in a day or two.  We really do live in a world of NOW! Impatience is at an all time high.  If my internet is too slow I'm upset.  4K has evolved to 5K and soon it wil
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IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME...HEALIING THROUGH SERVICE

  "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."           Mahatma Gandhi "But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant."           Jesus "As we serve others we are working on ourselves; every act, every word, every gesture of genuine compassion naturally nourishes our own hearts as well.  It is not a question of who is healed first.  When we attend to ourselves with compassion and mercy, more healing is made available for others.  And when we serve others with an open and generous heart, great healing comes to us."           Wayne Muller So many of us are looking for healing from our wounds.  Desperately.  We look for signs of God's love.  Is He there?  Does He know me?  Does He care?  And many times the answers come, and often it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort and a lot of tears to get those answers.  But He always answers "yes" to each of those questions...He is there.  He does love us...e
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