Phillip Yancey
"...I believe that when you are given a certain path in life, you have a spiritual responsibility, a spiritual opportunity to walk that path...to walk that path and bring some good into the world as a result of it. The only way you help people come out of the shadows is by coming out of the shadows yourself. The only way to find hope in your own life is by helping others find hope."
Rabbi Avremi Zippel
Last weekend I was standing on the grass next to the Scipio Round Valley Camp Museum, which is owned by the Daughters of Utah Pioneers and is a Utah Historical Site. I was there, along with twenty other men, having a "picnic" lunch together, on the way home from a men's retreat in Torrey, Utah. It was a great weekend sponsored by "Adventures in Recovery." We played pickleball, climbed a mountain, had a couple of service opportunities, ate well, talked a lot, spent an evening with coach Zach Spafford around a campfire, and had a great 12 step meeting Saturday night. I always consider it a blessing to hear the stories of other people, especially the stories of other men who have suffered the disease of addiction and are hiking the recovery path, and this weekend was a HJUGE blessing!
Throughout the weekend, assignments had been made for some of the guys to share one of the 12 steps, beginning with step 1 before we even hit the road to drive south. The twelfth step was shared by Ryan on that grass next to that old building as we wrapped up lunch on the way home. He had shared a little of his story during those three days, and it was a rough tale to tell. It is his story to tell, and it is the story that has shaped him into the man he is now.
But...as he shared his Step 12, he told us about a very difficult time in his life when he was very literally alone, and the first line of a poem came to his mind. Now, I may be wrong, but I don't believe Ryan is an accomplished poet, but he said after the first line came to him, the rest just followed. Then he recited the poem...his poem...from memory. By the time he ended, I was in tears and Ryan was in tears, as were many of the men standing on the grass listening intently that day. The thought came to me that this poem...these words...were pure revelation. So powerful and so beautiful, they are such a wonderful description of addiction and recovery.
With Ryan's permission, this is his poem, "The Mountain..."
On a hike that I chose to go on one day
A pleasant view at the top
I walked, and I climbed, and I struggled away
Trying my best not to stop
I'd heard of the splendid, magnificent view
A reward after making the climb
I tried to remember how others portrayed it
Always aware of the time
Then, changing my focus, I heard someone say,
"I've heard it's much more fun down there.
The valley is nice, the path is all paved,
And you don't have to struggle or care."
"Every man for himself!" I heard someone shout
As he ran down the easier way
Joined by his friends, side-by-side toward the valley
Free from the heat of the day
I kept on the path with one goal in sight
Infused all with vigor once more
With detours appearing around every bend
Each inviting more than before
With sweat on my brow, and miles to go
I thought about joining the crowd
Everyone still heading up to the top
Seemed dreary and low to the ground
So I stopped and I looked down one of the paths
Trying to see where it'd end
I took just one step down the paved, easy road
And instantly felt on the mend
With every step on the downhill descent
I heard a voice, calm and sweet say,
"Turn back around. Continue the climb.
This path is where misery lay."
But cheers and the laughter soon drowned him out
Misery seemed sure before
But this way was easy, inviting, relaxing
And shaded abundantly more
How subtly the shade turned to darkness
A mist did descend on the path
Laughter and joy turned to sadness
And cheeriness turned into wrath
"Where is he who said that this would be fun?"
I heard someone say in the dark
No one would answer their calling
With feelings of emptiness stark
People blinded by fear and by anger
Continued to walk on the way
"It's got to get better!" they reasoned
As they trudged through the dark of the day
Then a light, soft, appeared in the distance
Sign of wood carved underneath
Saying "This way to light and to gladness,
It's harder, but worth it. You'll see."
"Harder!?" they shouted, "No thank you!
There must be an easier way."
They continued their march into darkness
"Better stay with the group," I would say
Lower and lower we labored
Passing each sign with a glance
"Forgiveness" one of them mentioned
"Peace and escape from this trance"
As I walked through the darkness still searching
A voice entered soft in my mind
"This next path is yours should you take it
Harder yet but still worth the climb"
Trying to reason with anger
I told others about what I'd heard
Hearts softening although sporadic
They listened to every word
While others continued on walking in darkness
Some of us started to climb
Slipping and falling but not giving up
We struggled to make up the time
"No! Stop! Don't go! He's a liar!" we yelled
Our voices echoed with a boom
As we saw from a distance that others were taking
The detours of darkness and gloom
"There's nothing but sadness and sorrow down there!
Trust us! We've been there before!
Better to keep on the path you're on
Than wading through darkness and more!"
Some, hearing the urgency, heeded our words
The rest with their agency said
"We'll try it ourselves. It sure sounds inviting
Stop filling our heads with such dread
As I make this climb out of sin that I chose
Stumbling along as I go
I hope that someone who is reading this now
Might not choose the path down below
But if you have chosen the way that leads down
Don't give up. You've still got the time.
Join us, I pray you, look up and rejoice
We'll help you as you make the climb
There's so much in store for us up at the top
And with every detour you pass
Your strength will renew as you conquering go
And rely on the Savior at last
Each of the men I spent last weekend with, and so many more who I've come to know and love, have spent time on that valley path described by Ryan, and each of them has chosen to struggle...to do the work...to climb the path that leads to the top. To light and to freedom and to joy. To real recovery. And above all else, each of them has come to rely on their Savior to get them there, because it's really not possible without His help.
Of course, this poem applies to anyone who has a choice to make about which path to follow. Jesus' way is not necessarily the easier path...most of us know that...but it is always the path that allows for the most growth, the most Grace, and the most Love. The "mists of darkness" we read about in Lehi's dream are real, and there is only one way out. The Savior is Who lights our path and eventually get us Home. And as Ryan's poem illustrates, we are all just helping each other on that path home. That is the essence of Step 12...
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