RECOVERY-LIGHT-LIFE

"A good book is an event in my life."                     Stendhal "Whenever you read a good book...a door opens to allow in more light."                    Vera Nazarian "One of the fundamental principles of Mormonism is to receive truth, let it come from whence it may."                     Joseph Smith  I love to read.  I've read probably 70 or more books in recovery the past three and a half years, and I just keep reading.  Here's what I've discovered...there are many, and I mean MANY, really wise, smart, kind, truth seeking, truth loving, remarkable people out there who write books.  And I have learned so much from them, and continue to do so.  But really it's not just in the learning.  It's in the experiencing.  What is really fun is to read a sentence, a paragraph, or a chapter and have that moment when you realize that this is real...maybe I've known this my whole life, but now it makes sense. Most importantly th

"Remember that discipleship is not about doing things perfectly; it's about doing things intentionally.  God...merely wants you to keep intentionally trying."              Dieter F. Uchtdorf "Wisdom says that we can control only our intent.  We cannot control the past or the future, and we cannot control the consequences of what we do...our happiness would be greater as we humbly accepted what finally played out." As part of our every single morning check-in at Desert Solace, we would state our intention for the day, and share that with the group.  And before an activity, especially equine, the activity would be discussed with us...usually just the very basics of what we would attempt to achieve...and then each of us would say, "I choose into this activity and intend to experience, or create, ________. So I learned right away, and over my ninety days there, the power of intention. I had been living much of my life "unconsciously"...I h

"We need to concentrate on what has been called 'the holy present,' for now is sacred...The holy gift of life always takes the form of now."                                      Neal A. Maxwell "The very unfortunate result of our preoccupation with order, control, safety, pleasure, and certitude is that a high percentage of people never get to the contents of their own lives... "Human maturity is neither offensive nor defensive; it is finally able to accept the reality is what it is."                                       Richard Rohr My first week at Desert Solace was full of wonder and new ideas.  Not just ideas that didn't matter, but rather ideas that could, and would, if I accepted them and actually did something with them, change my life.  The saying at Desert Solace, that I heard many times, was that our goal was not change...it was transformation.  Big difference.  I came in as an apple, and I would leave as an orange.  Or vice ve

"It's hard for me to let go, hard for me to breathe, Thinking that I gotta control it all. I can feel my worry and anxiety... I'm going under and I know it. Time for me to let go, time for me to breathe, Knowing that He already holds it all. Time for me to turn down this anxiety, I can know my freedom in a moment. ...Oh, I'm gonna let it go, I'm gonna let it go." Jason Gray     "I'm Gonna Let It Go" I woke up Tuesday morning at 6:30...we woke up every morning at 6:30 at Desert Solace, and I was tired, a little lost, but determined and certainly more clear headed than I had been in a very long time.  Our schedule at Desert Solace included up at 6:30 AM, lights out at 10:30 PM.  A half hour to get ready and have breakfast...we had breakfast stuff in our downstairs kitchen...then upstairs for morning check-in as a group.  How was I feeling emotionally, mentally, spiritually, sexually, and physically.  This was an important ongoing

Welcome to Recovery, Light, and Life... I am Chris Epson and I'm in recovery from pornography and sex addiction.  I know there are people who believe that those are not addictions, but just choices.  And that's true...poor choice after poor choice after poor choice...will inevitably become that thing which robs us of our ability to choose.  So I can affirm that they are, in fact, addictions, as insidious and dark as any addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or anything else.  At least they become so for me.  I struggled with this on and off for over fifty years, and at the rock bottom of my struggle I had lost my ability to choose...I was "past feeling".  But I was saved, literally.  And to go from darkness to light has been the greatest blessing of my life. I am married to an amazing, very forgiving wife, Marilyn.  We have two grown children, Kristen and Adam, and six awesome grandchildren.  We are both from Cali

... So I reached for the burner phone on the bedside table...mine was in my car...and reluctantly dialed Marilyn's number.  She answered, and at the sound of her voice I immediately started crying.  "I'm sick and I need help."  She asked "Where are you?" and I told her.  She told me to not go anywhere...and of course I couldn't...and she would call me right back.  We hung up, and a few minutes later she called. She told me that a good friend of ours, John, who lived in St. George, about an hour and a half away from Las Vegas, could come get me.  But I said no, I didn't want John to see me in this condition.  And I certainly didn't want to explain to him why I was there and what I had done.  We finished that call, and a few more minutes went by before she called back and told me she would catch a flight and would come and get me.  All I remember then is that when I ended that call I was able to fall asleep right away, and then the next thing I