"The opposite of addiction is connection."
"You are not kept clean by your obedience, by doing everything you can as perfectly as you can. You are kept clean by your honesty about everything you can't do, about everything going wrong."
Christina Judd...from the book "All We Can Do"
As I've written before, we are all addicts in some way. We all...every one of us...have our "go to" in order to feel better about ourselves, to distract ourselves from the harsh realities of this world, or to numb whatever pain we might be feeling, whether it's physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual. As Lynn liked to say, "Pain is my traveling teacher." None of us will get out of this life without experiencing it, and some of us more so than others. It's just life, and it's designed to be this way.
President Russell M. Nelson said..."Any addiction - be it gaming, debt, drugs, alcohol, anger, pornography, sex, or even food - offends God. Why? Because your obsession becomes your god. You look to it rather than to Him for solace. If you struggle with an addiction, seek the spiritual and professional help you need." So...what might we be addicted to? That list is way too long, but if you think for just a minute you probably can identify yours. Now of course your addiction might not be doing real damage to you physically or mentally, and it's probably perfectly acceptable behavior to the world around you, but...is it doing some damage? Is it drawing you toward the Savior, or away? Is it bringing you closer to those you love the most, or not? Is it feeding your ego, or is it reducing your need for pride? Is it distracting you from not just what's good in life, but from what's better? These are questions that only you may be able to answer, and whatever the answers are, maybe it's time to be honest about them...
Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book "The Four Agreements," wrote that the first agreement is to "be impeccable with your word." In other words, don't just be honest, but be impeccably honest with others and especially yourself. There's much more depth to that first agreement, but for now let's just think about honesty with ourselves. How often do we justify what we do or don't do? If recovery is "facing reality at all cost," what are we doing to avoid reality, because if we are avoiding reality all the time, repeating the same thing over and over, maybe it's time for some rigorous self appraisal and honesty. Maybe we do, in fact, have an addiction...
In recovery I've learned, and experienced, that "the opposite of addiction is connection." Living in recovery from anything, even just mortality, can't happen in a vacuum. We need a real spiritual connection with God, and we need real connection with other people. That's the only way it works...We cannot do this alone. My experience is that there is no better way to honestly and intently connect to others than a 12 step meeting. And if you've never attended one, you're invited! Of course, you may be thinking "Why would I do that? I don't have an addiction!" My answer? See above...
Imagine a gathering of people, sitting in a circle facing each other...no front row and no back row...where there is no judgment, no condemnation, no sarcasm, no pretending. Just real. Real people with real problems, many of whom have experienced, and are experiencing, real miracles. Real honesty. Real hope. Real connection and real support and real love and real charity and real compassion. A gathering where the Spirit of the Lord is SO real it covers you like a warm blanket on a cold night. Real emotion. Real results and real progress and real transformation. Real change of heart. Of course I've said it before...the recovery path is not a freeway. It's a path. It's not easy and it can be full of stumbles, pitfalls, and hills to climb. But imagine that circle of people who give and share Grace when one of their brothers or sisters ends up in a valley after getting halfway up the mountain. And it's Grace...real Grace...that gives us the ability to keep climbing that mountain and continue along our recovery path. A 12 step meeting is Faith, Hope, Charity, and Grace in action. There really is nothing quite like it!
There are meetings held every day...some for general addictions, some for men's pornography, some spouse and family support meetings, some for women, and some for couples...like the one Marilyn and I help lead. Meetings are held on weekdays, weekends, and holidays. Addiction never takes a day off...
When a new person shows up to a meeting for their first time, usually broken, scared, scarred, and afraid, the rest of us feel so much joy and so much excitement! No, we're not happy that the new person is full of fear and misery, we're happy because we know that their first meeting represents their willingness to step onto the path of healing. We know what we have experienced, and we know the possibilities ahead for them if they choose to stay the course.
In our faith tradition, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have taken the original inspired 12 steps written by Bill W. and Dr. Bob, founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, and with permission have adapted them to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, and fit them to apply to any and all addictions or struggles. Our program is called the Addiction Recovery Program, or ARP. We like to say that these 12 steps are the 12 steps of the Atonement, and that ARP stands for Atonement for Real People. In all seriousness though, working these 12 steps provides the way to better experience the healing power of the Atonement of the Savior and they will draw you closer to Him and His Grace. We have experienced it, and Marilyn and I have watched so many others do the same. Once again, you're invited...
The book we use in our meetings is "Healing through the Savior...The Addiction Recovery Program 12 Step Recovery Guide," and can be found in the Gospel Library app under "Life Helps" and then "Addiction." Hard copies are also available. There are some great videos the church has produced which apply to each step, as well as other resources. The preface of the guidebook reads..."Whether you struggle with an addiction or know someone who does, this guide can be a blessing in your life...Addiction affects the mind, body, and spirit, so the solution must address all aspects of the disease."
My favorite paragraph is in the introduction on page 7..."However, once we come to see our divine nature and admitted our need for heaven's help to recover from addiction, we began to see ourselves as Jesus Christ sees us: spiritually sick men and women trying to heal through His Grace rather than bad men and women trying to become good enough to earn his love." I love that! And then..."We invite you to practice believing that you are God's child and that He loves you no matter what you have done." Well, imagine that! He loves you no matter what you have...or haven't...done.
Here are the 12 steps of the ARP program, and I'm going to go a little more in depth in the next couple of blog posts...
Step 1: Admit that we, of ourselves, are powerless to overcome our addictions and that our lives have become unmanageable.
Key Principle: Honesty
Step 2: Come to believe the power of God can restore us to complete spiritual health.
Key Principle: Hope
Step 3: Decide to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God, the Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Key Principle: Trust in God
Step 4: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of ourselves.
Key Principle: Truth
Step 5: Admit to ourselves, to our Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of our wrongs.
Key Principle: Confession
Step 6: Become entirely ready to have God remove all our character weaknesses.
Key Principle: Change of heart
Step 7: Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove our shortcomings.
Key Principle: Humility
Step 8: Make a written list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them.
Key Principle: Prepare to make amends
Step 9: Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons we have harmed.
Key Principle: Make Amends
Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.
Key Principle: Daily accountability
Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord's will and to have the power to carry it out.
Key Principle: Personal revelation
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening through the Atonement of Jesus Christ as a result of taking these steps, we share this message with others and practice these principles in all we do.
Key Principle: Service
As you can see, we begin the steps by just finally getting honest with ourselves, God, and other people about whatever mess we might have made in our lives, and then we step into Hope and go from there. Once we get to step 12 we are beginning to live an outward life, focusing on those around us, because we've experienced the exact thing Jesus told us we needed to experience...spiritual rebirth. So, is this a 12 week program? No! Most of us have worked these steps multiple times and we continue to do so. I guess that's like saying we've read the scriptures once, so we've got it all figured out. Doesn't work like that. The 12 steps will help get us on the recovery path...along with possible therapy, study, and work, and other resources...but even when we're on the path, and have left our past behind us, they keep us grounded solidly in recovery and we continue to attend meetings and continue in the rigorous honesty we had to begin with. At least that's what works for me...
As part of each step, there are "Action Steps" as well as a "Study and Understanding' section with additional scriptures, quotes, and questions to be answered, along with plenty of room to write notes and responses. Working the steps means what it says...really working them. Reading, highlighting, underlining, note taking, writing in the margins, and then working through the Study and Understanding portion of each one. While the healing comes from the Savior, there is effort on our part...not to earn that healing, but to better prepare ourselves to experience it and to live in it. The steps work when we work them...
As I said, in the next couple of blog posts I'll dive into each step in more detail...see you at a meeting!!
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