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WELCOME!

Welcome to Recovery, Light, and Life... I am Chris Epson and I'm in recovery from pornography and sex addiction.  I know there are people who believe that those are not addictions, but just choices.  And that's true...poor choice after poor choice after poor choice...will inevitably become that thing which robs us of our ability to choose.  So I can affirm that they are, in fact, addictions, as insidious and dark as any addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or anything else.  At least they become so for me.  I struggled with this on and off for over fifty years, and at the rock bottom of my struggle I had lost my ability to choose...I was "past feeling".  But I was saved, literally.  And to go from darkness to light has been the greatest blessing of my life. I am married to an amazing, very forgiving wife, Marilyn.  We have two grown children, Kristen and Adam, and six awesome grandchildren.  We are both from Cali
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Recent posts

Recovery or Sobriety?

 "I'm beginning to understand and accept that turning my life over to a higher power, taking inventory, and making amends are not things I must do to earn love, but loving actions I do for myself because they will bring me the most joy and peace in my life.  God loves and accepts me as I am...but God gently encourages me to follow this path of recovery because it is the  most loving thing I can do."                                                                                           "Voices of Recovery" "Recognize you are here on assignment.  This is your life.  Live it well..."           Katherine Wolf Before we begin, you may read the title of this and think "I don't have an addiction.  Why or how does this possibly apply to me?"  But it does.  In his great talk in October, 2023, entitled "Think Celestial," President Russell M. Nelson said this..."As you think celestial, you will find yourself avoiding anything th
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WORTHINESS...AND WORTH

  "Your worth is set.  Everything else is just experience."           Amy...on "Unashamed Unafraid" "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."           Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 I'm kind of picky about my car...I like to keep it clean.  It's frustrating sometimes!  We go through the carwash, get nice and clean, maybe even vacuum the interior.  Dry it off, use some tire shine on the tires, and really detail it.  Man, it's almost like new!  But...it just doesn't last.  As soon as I drive it to work and it sits outside in the parking lot for eight hours, and then after the trip home on the freeway, it's dusty, if not not dirty.  It was clean for one day...maybe less!  Even if I keep it locked in the garage, there is still a layer of dust that settles on it, and in no time it could be washed again.  And if it rains just a little bit, I end up with a car covered in brown spots.  Ugh!  This is why I pay a monthly fee for
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I AM...

"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it.  It's our fear of the dark that casts out our joy into the shadows."           Brenee Brown "The truth will set you free."           Jesus Free from what, exactly?  And what truth?  Well, let's talk about that.  As a child growing up, did you ever hear "You should be ashamed of yourself!"  Actually, I don't ever remember hearing that, but for some reason I felt it.  Maybe some of you heard that a lot, and hearing that began to define how you felt about both yourself and others.  Or maybe you were just ignored. like you didn't matter.  Maybe you suffered some kind of abuse, and then felt that you were just a victim to other people, and maybe even to God.  We have all suffered some trauma, either "Big T" trauma or "small t" trauma...we cannot escape it.  I wrote earlier about the re-discovery of my identity...who I am really am...and how that both changed my life and bec
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BOUNDARIES...STAYING SAFE

  "That doesn't work for me."           Jerri Jorgensen "First, be charitable to others and myself - equally.  This includes giving others unconditional love-as Jesus would-no matter how much we might disagree with their choices.  It also means I must love and respect myself. "Second, God gave me a voice, and he expects me to use it appropriately and respectfully, with the guidance of the Spirit... "Third and most important, God's love is perfect, absolute and unconditional, and the Savior's redemptive Grace is real."           Anita Stansfield     "I Can Choose Joy with God" Disclaimer...I write this only from my personal experience and study.  Obviously I'm not a therapist or an expert, and I like to say that the only things I know for sure are what I've experienced.  So...I am only an expert in my own recovery. In our Thursday night Addiction Recovery Program couple's meetings, we use two manuals..."Healing Through
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THE DAILY SHOW...PRACTICE

"The more I practice, the luckier I get...there's always stuff to work on.  You're never really there."            Tiger Woods "You don't show up on game day and expect to be great.  Greatness happens in practice.  You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them."            Michael Jordan "There is a pursuit that is worthy of devotion...it is something our souls long for; the life we've always wanted.  It is the quest for what might be called a well-ordered heart... "When the heart is well-ordered, we are not only increasingly free from sin, but also increasingly free from the desire to sin.  If the heart were truly well-ordered, we would love people so much we would not want to deceive or manipulate or envy them.  We would be transformed from the inside out."           John Ortberg A well-ordered heart?  Sounds a lot like recovery to me, but it also sounds like a healthy life.  Anyone's life...emotionally, physically
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ROCK BOTTOM...

"Shame tells you that your behavior is evidence of your future...but really, it's just a witness of your past."           Steve Shields "Ask people what they must do to get to heaven, and most reply "be good."  Jesus's stories contradict that answer.  All we must do is cry "help!"           Phillip Yancey No doubt you've heard the term "rock bottom" used before when people are talking about their lowest point of addiction, and the event that finally kick started their beginning recovery.  There are all kinds of ways to describe what rock bottom looks like, feels like, and why it, and only it, can initiate change in not just our behavior but change in our hearts.  Rock bottom sucks.  It hurts.  It hurts so badly that the fear of change and the fear of being honest and the fear of being exposed for what we are and have been now looks like the only way out.  It's full of shame, and the pain of rock bottom is worse than the fear.
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LIVING UNASHAMED...THE POWER OF YOUR STORY

 " Steward whatever is in your story."           Katherine Wolf "We each have a path in front of us that leads to our biggest, best, and highest purpose.  It's the dream we've been given but are not yet prepared for.  We stare at the path knowing not what's required, only that it's more than we're capable of.  It's designed that way."           Mark Stuart  "Losing My Voice to Find It" "We recover loudly so others don't suffer in silence."          Brian We each have a story, and that story has great power.  Of course, you might say that's crazy, that your particular story is of no consequence, and that it doesn't matter...to anyone.  But it matters to you, and even though you may not think so, it matters to God.  Your story is what got you to where you are now.  But know this...where you are now is not your ultimate destination.  It's just a moment in time, it's just today.  There is a lot more in stor
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