Spiritual Connection and Recovery...Why Church

 

"The opposite of addiction is connection"

"An exalting (church) community isn't just a group with whom to believe, it's an intimate bond with those who help us to become...An exalting community thrives or fails depending on how people show up in two moments:  weakness and disbelief."

          Joseph Grenny

"For where two or more are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."

                                                                 Jesus...Matthew 18:20

"As church attendance numbers fade across the nation and online services become very convenient, it's important to remember why church attendance for you and your family matters so much.  You can't serve from your sofa.  You can't have community of faith on your sofa.  You can't experience the power of a room full of believers worshipping together on your sofa.  Christians aren't consumers.  We are contributors.  We don't watch.  We engage.  We give.  We sacrifice.  We encourage.  We pray by laying hands on the hurting.  We do life together.  The church needs you.  And you need the church."

Although I don't remember where I found it, or who wrote it, I LOVE that last quote...

I met a brother from one of the men's retreats I've had the privilege to attend, and as we ate lunch together, we discussed all kinds of things going on in our lives, and especially in our recovery lives.  And one of the topics of conversation was church.  This brother does not like attending church, and I have had similar conversations with other men in recovery as well.  Why would they not?  Well, of course there is the feeling that others are judging you, especially if you share your story of addiction and recovery.  Maybe there is some trauma associated with the church, and maybe you suffered some sort of abuse or shame in your past experiences there.  There are all kinds of reasons, and I've been told that their recovery has actually steered them away from church attendance rather than towards it.

 Many times it is just fear...and even though we make the discovery in recovery that God is, in fact, a Loving Father instead of a stern judge, and that even in the middle of the mess we made of our lives He was there, and that we most definitely need His daily help to journey on the recovery path, we still hold that old fear of other people at church and the shame that rides along.  And most often we...I... compare our church experience on Sunday to our experience in 12 step meetings, and it's found lacking.  I get that.  I often tell those who attend our weekly Addiction Recovery Program couple's meeting that, in my opinion, there is more wisdom and more honesty in that meeting than any other meeting in all the church.  Of course, that's just my experience, but I always wish that our classes and meetings at church were more like a 12 step meeting...

So here's the question.  Why attend church?  What's the point?  Of course, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we point to the weekly ordinance of the sacrament, or the Lord's supper, as the defining reason for being there each week.  It blesses our lives, gives us a few precious moments to contemplate the Savior's love and sacrifice for us in a very personal way, and allows us to renew covenants we made at our baptism.  For us, that alone is a big deal.  And for that reason, many people attend sacrament meeting on Sunday but don't stay for the classes afterwards.  Is there more to being in church than that?  And how will my being there...and staying there for a class the second hour...help me in my life and in my recovery?

I love that in the 59th section of modern scripture, the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord uses the words ""rest," "joy," "rejoicing," "thanksgiving," "cheerful hearts and countenances," "enliven the soul," and "peace" as He describes our reasons for worshipping together on Sundays.  Has this been your experience?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I will freely admit that some other faith traditions seem to do a better job of rejoicing and celebrating Jesus than we do, and I actually love that about them.  We will probably never be applauding in sacrament meeting because we value reverence so highly.  And that's okay.  We can be reverent and joyous at the same time...if we want to.  But I do know this.  My recovery lead me back to the church I was raised in.  But my recovery also has opened my eyes to experience church in a whole new way, and I have come to love being there every Sunday.  Having lost my membership in the church for a season certainly caused me to appreciate it even more when it was restored, and that love of community worship continues to be exciting for me.

I have heard many times about how "boring" the speakers are in church, or how "boring" a Sunday School or Quorum teacher is.  Am I there to be entertained?  Am I only in church to see what I can get out of it, and if it's somehow "boring" I'm just wasting my time?  In an article in the January, 2007 Ensign magazine, A. Roger Merrill wrote..."What is your role in creating the environment in which the Spirit can teach you the things you need to know?  If you find a Church class or sacrament meeting boring, does that say more about the teacher - or about you?"  Whoa!  That might sound kind of harsh, but I've discovered the truth of that for myself.  Once again, in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 50, it says..."Wherefore, he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are edified and rejoice together."  So, yes, I play a big part when I'm on the receiving end of a talk or lesson if I truly want to be edified and rejoice.  Teryl Givens wrote in "The Crucible of Doubt" that "if we insist on measuring our worship service in terms of 'what we get out' of the meeting, then perhaps we have erred in our understanding of worship...worship is about what we are prepared to relinquish - what we give up at personal cost."  So is it possible that worshipping is not about "getting" something, but more about giving away more of myself?

I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is unique among all Christian churches in not just allowing, but encouraging, their members to speak in church each Sunday, instead of a paid Pastor or Minister or Preacher, as well as calling those same members to teach classes for adults, youth, children, men, and women.  Each of those callings lasts only for a season, and each of those people will someday be released from that calling and will soon be called to do something else.  To the outside world this seems crazy.  How does this church not only survive, but flourish?  Let me share a personal experience...

While I was at Desert Solace we attended church at the Westminster ward, north of St. George, and I really enjoyed it.  We had no doubt those ward members knew who we were and why we were there, but they were always friendly and welcoming, and as I grew in my early recovery I also grew in my love for them.  The last Sunday I was there, my twelfth, was the first Sunday of March, and in our LDS tradition, it was a testimony meeting...a meeting in which anyone who would like can come up to the pulpit to share their testimony.  Crazy, right?  A huge risk. You never know what might be said, and sometimes this meeting can go a little sideways.  But...I love testimony meeting!  In this particular meeting in March of 2017, I found myself listening to each testimony with incredible focus and attention, and after each person spoke, I had the thought, "That's the best testimony I've ever heard!"  And then the next person's was even better and more powerful.  This went on for the rest of the meeting, and was something I had never experienced before.  It was amazing!  Again I thought..."The Spirit is SO strong here today!"  But then I looked around the chapel and saw the usual...someone asleep, a few on their phones, mothers wrestling children, etc.  And it was then I realized something new for me..."The Spirit is always there.  In every meeting.  But this time, I was WITH HIM!  I was in alignment with Him and experienced something new and wonderful.  In that hour I realized that as I focus, and attend church with intention, I could have this kind of experience every week!    In that moment I made a commitment to myself to go to church with intention, and to pay attention.  Every week and every speaker.  And I can testify that living that commitment has changed my church experience drastically.  I have learned for myself that being in church on Sundays is not a box to be checked but is, rather, a new experience to have every Sunday.  It is an opportunity to connect with my Savior, His Spirit, and those sitting with me in that meeting, and it's something I desperately need.

Brother Merrill shared a story from Spencer W. Kimball, when he was asked what he did when he was "caught in a boring sacrament meeting."  He replied, "I don't know; I've never been in one."  What?!  Really?  Then brother Merrill says, "But most likely, President Kimball was teaching that he did not go to sacrament meeting to be entertained; he went to worship the Lord, renew his covenants, and be taught from on high.  If he attended with an open heart, a desire to be 'nourished by the good word of God,' and a prayer - rather than judgment - for the speakers, the Spirit would teach him what he needed to do to be a more effective disciple."  That sounds a lot like intention to me...

So I guess the bottom line here is that we get to make church into whatever we want it to be.  I learned...and I fully believe...that I am a powerful creator.  We each are.  If that's indeed true, we can create the church experience we would like, every Sunday, and in every class.  We can choose to be intentional, we can choose to be less judgmental, and we can choose to see the light in every sermon, talk, and class...it's always a choice.

Church is like life.  It's not just a place to learn, but it's a place to experience.  I do not believe there will be a quiz on judgment day.  Maybe it's not what I know that's important, but rather what I did with what I know in order to bless others' lives.

Where better to live the principle of service and love found in Step 12 than at church?  Church is an opportunity for us to bring our light...even if it's small and flickering...and share it with our brothers and sisters in a worship setting.  I have learned that, as I do this, my light will grow in intensity and brightness and I am blessed.  This is the spirit of Step 12 and is the foundation for any Christian life.  The more I give away...time, talent, love, support, handshakes and hugs...the more that comes back to me.  More from Teryl Givens..."The church offers a particular kind of community that is irreplaceable and particular vehicles of grace that are indispensable.  First...the church is community.  Our wards and stakes function as laboratories...where we discover that we love God by learning to love each other."  This holds true in any faith tradition where people are gathering to worship God.

And then I wrote this in my journal following that quote...

"So, going to church each Sunday is as much "Step 12" as anything else.  If we are here on earth for two reasons - to learn and to learn to love - where else would we go?  Our church community - our ward - is the place that gives us organized opportunities to learn to minister to and love others, and to be an instrument of God's grace in someone else's life.  There we learn to feel, to be patient, to worship, and to love God and others.  We are not there for us.  We are there for others."

It's been said that "we may eventually learn that what's most important in this life is not overcoming weaknesses, but learning to love those who have them."  

Indeed, where else would we go to practice this?  Let's understand that this is hard work.  Not judging?  Hard work.  Loving everyone?  Hard work.  Ministering to those we are assigned to visit?  Hard work.  Being aware of opportunities to serve?  Hard work.  Giving Grace to our church leaders?  Hard work.  Well, maybe it's not really as hard as we think, but it is definitely very intentional work.  It requires us to pay attention, to do our best to live an outward life, and to at least try to model the examples we read about in scripture.  I love this from Brigham Young..."I wish to urge upon the saints...to understand men and women as they are, and not understand them as you are."  Maybe, like so much else, as we practice this... as we attend church, as we worship, as we do our best to fulfill callings, as we are willing to speak up in classes and quorums, as we choose to be intentional with our love and our service...it will become easier over time.  With practice we can grow from grace to grace.  We will not just learn more, we will become more.  We will begin to pray for others more than for ourselves.  We will pray, asking for someone to serve each day.  We will be able to feel and hear what the Spirit is trying to tell us and will be willing to go and do.  All through scripture we see that real joy comes from surrender and from service.  All of this is Step 12!  This is the changed heart of lasting recovery...

We're told in chapter 12 of 1st Corinthians that we...all of us...are the "body of Christ."  "For the body is not one member, but many."  So, maybe you're a foot. Or an arm.  Or a finger.  But the point is we are each something, and we are each something critical to make that "body"...the church...whole and functioning properly in order to bless lives.  Our lives and others' lives.  When we are choosing to be absent we are missing out on opportunities to contribute to that "body" that definitely needs us.  Each of us.

So I attend church each week...eagerly!  To be there with my fellow brothers and sisters.  I'm there to soak up their light and love and energy, and I'm there to share some of mine.  I give hugs and shake a lot of hands.  I go with intention and with focus.  I'm at church to worship my Savior in community with other believers, to sing together and to pray together, and there is nowhere else I can do that.  

I've heard many people speak of their worship time in nature, on a hike or bike ride.  That's great, and it can certainly allow for quiet time and meditation.  But even when it's done with others, it is not a substitute for time in a sacred space or classroom.  It's not the same as learning to love sister so-and-so, who can be so difficult and opinionated, or brother Jones, with whom I may disagree politically.  They are beloved children of Father, and I get to practice patience and Grace.  The time spent each week in both worship and learning is invaluable for my spiritual, mental, and emotional health.  It is essential for my recovery, and is irreplaceable as a hope for connection, spirit, and love.

 Recovery requires community and my experience is that it requires as much community as possible.  Step 12 requires someone to serve, and I am able to always find that someone in my church community. Recovery, like life, and like living the gospel, does not happen successfully in isolation or in a vacuum.  It only happens with the love and support of others.  In church we receive grace, and we dispense grace.  We get to practice living our recovery lives in real time with real people, and we get to practice forgiveness and mercy.  We get to share our experience and insights as we study scripture on our own, and we are blessed as others do the same.  In recovery, we know grace.  We have experienced the Atonement of the Savior, maybe in ways our brothers and sisters will never know, and we get to share that experience.  Think about that...there are people waiting to hear your story and your experience with Grace and with the healing power of the Savior.  Please do not deprive them of that...

Our church experience is as exciting and as dynamic as we make it, and we never have to be the victim of "boring" speakers or teachers.  We can choose to sit on the front row of a class, instead of the back, and can share our own insights and experience.  We can be that spokesperson for grace.  We can choose joy, and we can choose to model the excitement of discipleship.  

But...we can only do that if we are there.  Does our Sunday geography really matter?  YES!  Yes it does! And it will play a critical role in both your recovery journey and your life if you are willing to let it.  You are invited to church...