Bob Goff
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling symbol. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing."
Paul writing to the Ephesians
First 15
To begin, allow me to talk about a couple of the above pictures. The first is a sculpture I saw in an art gallery in Santa Fe, New Mexico with my brother Mike. Mike is a collector, and I know nothing about art, but this piece was untitled and just hit me like a ton of bricks...made me cry. If you look closely, you can see what is written all over the form of this young lady, this daughter of God. Things like "a mistake," "worthless," "broken," "I don't matter," "too emotional," "burden," and more. So I gave this sculpture a name..."Rock Bottom." Really, all of these things are written on this girl's soul and imprinted on her heart. I know what that is like because I felt all that in my own rock bottom experience. Here's a question...Who do we know who is feeling this way? Maybe not all of these emotions, but maybe one or two or three? Are we curious enough to ask him or her about it or is the fear of asking too great? Is our fear overtaking our charity and our willingness to sit, ask, listen, love, and learn? Are we willing to take that risk to be curious?
The third picture is beautiful. I love it! It is Jesus sitting with a different young woman and being very present with her. He is down on her level. He is not judging her. I would imagine He has asked her about her suffering, her feelings, her hurts, and her pain. And now He is listening. Intently. Intentionally. Just listening. He is not forming an opinion of her, and He is not thinking ahead about what He will say in response. He is sitting and listening. Their knees are touching, and He can feel her energy and her concern. Of course, the difference between Jesus and us is that He can actually heal her. Physically if necessary. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. He can free her, bind up her wounds, and lift her up in every way she needs. We simply don't have that power. But what do we have? Faith. Scripture. Inspiration. Love. Understanding. Revelation. Compassion. Kindness. Charity. And above all, we have the ability...if we are willing...to ask, to sit, and to listen. To say "Tell me more."
Charity is the pure love of Christ. It is incredible that the prophet Moroni, writing at the very end of his life and the very end of his record, wrote this..."Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity. And except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; neither can ye be saved in the kingdom of God if ye have not faith; neither can ye if ye have not hope. And if ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity."
My take? Real faith leads to real hope which leads to a change of heart, which leads us to practice charity. And as we practice charity, we will become charitable. Our heart and our nature will change, and we will learn to love. Without these three...Faith, Hope, and Charity... we give up and live in despair. Maybe that could be another name for the sculpture..."Despair."
From what Moroni writes, it sounds like what we call the "final judgment" will be more of a discussion about our charity...about how we loved God and treated other people...than any of our behaviors. In the scripture above, Paul made it clear that without charity, or love, anything else we may have accomplished is worthless. As he wrote, without charity "I am nothing."
We know there are an untold number of ways to describe love, and we are told that "God is love." But here is something I've learned in nine years of recovery... Love is curious. Bob Goff wrote that "Love does," which means love is an action verb. We don't just study love, talk about love, preach about love, read about love, we practice love. And if I can use the words charity and love interchangeably, although they are not necessarily exactly the same, the most important thing I can do in my life is to learn to love better, to learn to be charitable. I'm really not very good at it yet, and I believe that few of us are.
Real Christ-like love asks questions. It doesn't assume. It's willing to take a risk and ask probing, difficult questions. How often have we known that a friend or neighbor or church member is somehow struggling, but we are afraid to ask? "It's none of my business." "I don't want to pry." "I don't want to offend." "What would I say?" Fear always keeps us stuck, and fear always holds us back. Fear is the enemy's greatest tool, because it's easy. Taking a risk is hard and asking questions is uncomfortable. But what did Jesus do? He asked, He listened, He loved. Love is curious...
How many times has a member of our church flock just stopped showing up, and yet no one asked why? Did anyone even notice? The pastor, the priest, or the bishop was too busy to ask. To visit. To leave the ninety-nine and go after the one. What happens when it's not just one sheep wandering away, but ten, twenty, or thirty? Too often their ministering brothers or sisters give up the fight and let them slip away. It happens all the time. Why?
How often do men...and women, our brothers and sisters in Christ...open up to each other about their struggles, their worries, and the pressures of life. About their uncertainty or fear of failure? About that voice in their head telling them they're not good enough, that they can't do it all, and they should just give up? Do we even provide a venue for that kind of openness and honesty?
We've been told by Elder Patrick Kearon that "God is in relentless pursuit of us." What does that look like? We know He works so often through other people, and if we really want to be disciples we must let go of our fear and begin that pursuit with Him. Ask the questions. Listen. Don't judge. Love is curious. We get to be those people, and God can and will work through us.
Justin Camp wrote..."Telling our unedited stories creates real connection. There's a difference between knowing someone's highlight reel and knowing their behind-the-scenes struggles. When we share the full arc - our failures and transformations - others feel permission to drop their own pretenses. And that's when authentic community becomes possible, communities where people pray for real needs, speak hard truths with love, and show up for each other when it matters."
We talk a lot about creating "Zion," but could we possibly live in Zion while hiding our most difficult struggles and deepest fears? Wouldn't Zion look like a place where we feel free and safe to be real, and where we know we are loved enough to let go of that fear? Wouldn't Zion be a place where curiosity comes from love and concern, and people listen to each other intently and actively? Where each person is seen and feels valued? The closest thing to that is a 12 Step meeting, where people are real, where listening happens intentionally, and where judgement is nowhere to be found. It's in that place that the Spirit shows up and healing can happen. It's a place where love is curious and charity abounds...
So... if love is curious, and the most important thing we can do is to better love each other, what do we do? What if we drop the fear and the pretense and the posing and just ask? We can be aware of our friends, neighbors, co-workers, brothers and sisters at church. If something seems off, we can ask. Gently and genuinely. With kindness and sincerity and love. And then listen. If they don't want to share, we can't force that. But we can be sure they understand that we are willing.
We do not need to have the answers! That is not our job. It is our job to love, to be curious, and sometimes to chase after that sheep before he or she gets too far away. I was that sheep. I know how it can feel to be lost.
We do know this, though. The answer is always Jesus! And there are many ways to find healing in Him, and maybe we can just be a resource with some suggestions of how to do that. But the most loving thing we can say to anyone is simply "tell me more." Then listen intently, listen gently, without forming an opinion or any kind of answer in our mind. We do not need to respond...we just need to listen. And then maybe repeat "tell me more," as often as it takes. Stephen Covey taught, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Often, we can't understand, but we can still listen, and we can still ask questions. We can ask "What's it like?" "Tell me more."
Then we get to practice love, charity, and empathy. Maybe the best thing we can do is offer a hug, or a follow up visit with another friend. People need support much more than they need advice, and too often advice is what they receive. I don't believe charity offers advice...at least not right away. Maybe later, but not now. Not at first. Charity offers courageous compassion and a listening ear. It offers attention and a safe place to be honest.
Father Richard Rohr wrote..."Jesus taught that it's all about love, and in the end, that's all we're going to be judged for. Did we love? Did we love life? Did we love ourselves? Did we love God and love our neighbor? Concentrating on that takes just about our whole lifetime and we won't have much time left over to worry about what other people are doing or not doing. Our job is to love God, love ourselves, and love our neighbor."
Maybe we'll be asked if we were curious enough to love and to listen, because love is, in fact, curious.
True charity asks "Tell me more..."
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