K-LOVE CONCERT AT RED ROCKS IN DENVER...AUGUST 2023
THE MILLENIAL CHOIR AND ORCHESTRA IN PALMYRA, NEW YORK...JUNE, 2024
Doctrine and Covenants 25:12-13
"And it shall come to pass that the righteous shall be gathered out from among all nations, and shall come to Zion, singing with songs of everlasting praise."
Doctrine and Covenants 45:71
"Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing."
Psalm 100:2
"I need music like I need water."
Amy Grant
"The Truth" by Megan Woods
How many times can you hear the same lie before you start to believe it?
The enemy keeps whisperin' to me, I swear these days, it's all I'm hearin'
I used to know who I was, now I look in the mirror and I'm not so sure
Lord, I don't wanna listen to the lies any more...
When I feel like there's so much noise livin' rent free in my head
Heaven finds me in a still small voice and it sounds like grace instead...
The truth is I am my Father's child, I make Him proud and I make Him smile
I was made in the image of a perfect King, He looks at me and wouldn't change a thing
The truth is I am truly loved by a God who's good when I'm not good enough
I don't belong to the lies, I belong to You!
And that's the truth...
If you are familiar with my story, you know I spent ninety days in a rehab center in Southern Utah called Desert Solace, and that it was there that my life was saved and my heart was changed. Well, at least it began to change...in some dramatic ways. I have always loved sports of all kinds, so before recovery I listened almost exclusively to sports radio while I was in my car. But when I got home from Desert Solace, almost immediately I realized that it was a waste of time, because as I began my recovery I came to understand that so much of my time had been spent in things that simply didn't matter very much. I needed more and I needed different. In my car I have satellite radio, Sirius XM, and I began searching for something new to listen to while in the car. Somehow I found a station called "The Message," which plays contemporary Christian music. I had never heard that music before and it was all new for me. And from the beginning I fell in love with it! These songs and their lyrics spoke to my soul like nothing I'd ever heard before, and often when I heard a new song that penetrated my heart I would have to pull the car over to the side of the road and just cry...
So here I am, almost nine years later, and I am still in love with this music. Good music...Godly music...invites the Spirit like nothing else. I do love singing the hymns in church on Sundays...well, most of them...and I love to watch the Tabernacle Choir on Sunday mornings. It's beautiful! I have also fallen in love with the Millenial Choir and Orchestra, with their amazing arrangements and powerful voices. My friend Peter sings in the Austin choir, and we have been blessed to see them perform in person in Salt Lake, New York City, Boston, and Palmyra. They are incredible!
It was no accident that there was a choir of angels singing at the birth of Jesus!
I'd like to share some samples of the lyrics to some of my favorite contemporary Christian songs, as I just did above. Marilyn calls it Jesus music, some call it worship music, others praise music...it has become my music. I listen in the morning and I listen at night. And I listen anytime I'm in the car. Whenever we give up a habit or an addiction and the time we spent acting out in that habit or addiction, we create a vacuum in our life, and it has to be filled with something. Much of mine has been filled with music. It settles my mind and my heart, causes me to feel grateful for undeserved blessings and Grace, and allows me to both worship and praise my Savior every day of the week. Above all, it brings joy to my life and my spirit! And so many of these songs are about addiction and recovery...being changed by Grace...because that's what the gospel of Jesus Christ is about. Grace. And change. Living the gospel, and living in recovery, we do not stay the same. There is no stagnation and there is no drifting. God loves us too much to leave us as we were, or as we are, once we have allowed Him to work in our life. So there is only forward and there is only growth. This music is about that!
What follows is a small taste of a huge feast! And you're invited to go to YouTube or Amazon Music to actually listen to these songs, because the message is delivered so much better with the music! The lyrics are, again, incredibly inspired and inspiring, but that is only part of the story. The music helps bring the Spirit, and it is the music that helps connect me to the Divine.
Just like "The Truth," there are many songs about our identity as a son or daughter of God, who is fully loved no matter our mistakes.
"He Knows My Name" by Francesca Battestelli
Spent today in a conversation in the mirror face to face with
Somebody less than perfect.
I wouldn't choose me first if I was looking for a champion.
In fact, I'd understand if You picked everyone before me,
But that's just not my story...True to who You are You saw my heart
And made something out of nothing.
I don't need my name in lights, I'm famous in my Father's eyes.
Make no mistake, He knows my name!
I'm not living for applause, I'm already so adored, It's all His stage...
He knows my name!
The first time I heard this song I was in the car and had to pull over. Couldn't see through the tears. Of course, I had grown up singing "I am a child of God" and I knew that in my mind, but it had never really been placed in my heart until I began recovery and finally figured out...just a little bit...who I really was and who I really am. And how much I am loved, without having to earn it. This song spoke that truth to my heart, as did "The Truth."
"Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury
Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me.
You have been so, so kind to me...
When I was your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, you paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me...
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God!
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'till I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine.
And I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away.
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God!
There's no shadow You won't light up, mountain You won't climb up, coming after me!
There's no wall You won't kick down, lie You won't tear down, coming after me!
Such a beautiful song! Reminds me of Elder Patrick Kearon saying, "God is in relentless pursuit of you." Yes He is...
Another great song about who we really are...
"Priceless" by For King and Country
Mirror mirror on the wall, tellin' those lies, pointing out your flaws,
That isn't who you are. That isn't who you are.
It might be hard to hear, but let me tell you dear
If you could see what I can see, I know you would believe
That isn't who you are,
There's more to who you are...
I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right
I see a rose in bloom, at the sight of you
Irreplaceable, unmistakable, incomparable, darling I see it all in you!
And another one...
"Flawless" by Mercy Me
There's got to be more than going back and forth,
From doing right to doing wrong,
Cause we were taught that's who we are.
Come on, get in line right behind me, you along with everybody
Thinking there's worth in what you do...
Could it possibly be that we simply can't believe
That this unconditional kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this and wrap him up in righteousness?
But that's exactly what He did!
No matter the bumps, no matter the bruises,
No matter the scars, still the truth is
The cross has made, the cross has made you flawless!
No matter the hurt, or deep the wound is,
No matter the pain, still the truth is,
The cross has made you, the cross has made you flawless!
This song reminds me of my dear friend and therapist Lynne, who, at Desert Solace, would tell each of us almost daily that we were perfect just the way we were. What! Huh?! That was crazy talk to a group of addicts just beginning recovery, but I soon came to understand that is how our Father sees us...made flawless through the Savior's Atonement, but with the ability to become even more perfect tomorrow. He sees me as His perfect son, as imperfect as I may be, and He leads me along, as I am willing to be led. We are told that Jesus received Grace for Grace, and we are growing like that...Grace for Grace. If we, in fact, believe in the principle of eternal progression, our growth through Grace will never end.
Here is another really tender song by Cory Asbury that hit home for me as I came to understand how much I was worth in my Father's eyes. I especially love this song when Cory sings it with his wife...It's a beautiful conversation between God and child.
Dear God,
I've been trying awful hard to make You proud of me.
But it seems the harder that I try the harder it becomes,
And I feel like giving up most of the time.
Dear God,
I've been chasing their approval and it's killing me,
And I know the more I try to prove,
All the less I have to show.
And I'm stuck inside my head most of the time.
But if I pray a little harder, if I follow all the rules,
I wonder...could I ever be enough?
'Cause I try and try, just to fall back again.
And I ask myself why do I try to chase the wind?
I should lean into the mystery. Maybe hope is found in a melody,
So I wanna try again. Oh, I'm gonna try again.
Dear child.
I hope you know how much I love you and I'm proud of you.
And please believe the thoughts I have for you will never change or fade away.
And when you felt like giving up, I never did.
'Cause I'm not scared of imperfections, or the questions in your head,
Just know that you have always been enough.
'Cause you tried and you tried,
And I saw you wrestle with every how, every why.
I was right there listening.
So just fall into the mystery, and I'll meet you in the melody.
Try, just to try again.
Oh child, would you try again? My child, you can love again...
Even typing these lyrics just now has brought fresh tears to my eyes. I so love these words, and I so relate to the desperate prayer to God...even "following all the rules" could I ever be enough? I felt exactly like that for so very many years. But now I know. Now I know that He just loves me, and He has loved me all along. He just wants me to try again. He just wants me to practice loving Him, and through that practice I have changed, and will continue to change.
I also love the songs of hope, whose message is that God is aware...aware of our hurt, our need for healing. Our suffering and our need for peace. Our disappointments and our need for hope. Our mistakes and our need for constant repentance and forgiveness. He knows. And there is always hope...
"The Hurt and the Healer" by Mercy Me
Why?
The question that is never far away.
The healing doesn't come from the explained, Jesus please don't let this go in vain.
You're all I have, all that remains.
So here I am, what's left of me. Where glory meets my suffering.
I'm alive.
Even though part of me has died, You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I'll fall into Your arms open wide, when the hurt and the healer collide.
Breathe.
Sometimes I feel that's all I can do, pain so deep I can hardly move.
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You, Lord take hold and pull me through...
It's the moment when humanity is overcome by majesty,
When grace is ushered in for good and all our scars are understood,
When mercy takes its rightful place and all these questions fade away,
When out of the weakness we must bow and hear You say it's over now...
Jesus come and break my fear, awake my heart and take my tears
Find your glory even here, when the hurt and the healer collide...
"Let It Begin" by Big Daddy Weave...
For the damage done, for the victories won,
For the gift and for the grieving.
Letting go and moving on. for the thorn in my side, for the war in my pride.
Every single day of darkness, holding out for morning light
For the dreams that died, for the tears I've cried,
For the weakness that bears witness to the grace that You supply...
There's a river that delivers me to freedom!
And the current of His mercy brings restoration.
If my words could tell one story, let it be a testimony...
That You don't leave me where I've been.
If this is healing, let it begin!
Weakness and Grace? Sounds a lot like Ether 12:27 or 2 Corinthians 12:9..."My grace is sufficient." What does that even mean? For me, it means I never have to do life alone. He is there, and His Grace is there. Each of my efforts for good is magnified. His forgiveness is constant as I surrender my stuff to Him...all my stuff. My past. My weakness. My addictions. I do the work and give it to Him at the same time. His Grace is sufficient...it is enough. It's all I need and it's all I'll ever need. Growing from Grace to Grace is not an exercise in checking boxes, it is found in relationship with my Savior, and I do the work simply because I love Him and am grateful for that Grace received.
We know we have a common enemy, and his most effective tool is fear. Fear is the opposite of love. It stops our progression and growth. It can literally kill us, and it comes at us constantly. Full force fear. The fear of not measuring up. The fear of imperfection and the need to earn not just God's love, but everyone else's as well. The fear of failure and sometimes even the fear of success. We all have a fear wrapped around something that has happened in our lives, and therapists call these traumas. But Jesus said "Fear not" and "Do not fear" about a zillion times in scripture, both ancient and modern. And yet? We all live in some kind of fear. I did, and every addict does. Much of worship music talks about the crippling kind of fear that can paralyze us and keep us stuck in our mess, and the hope found in Jesus to conquer that fear through our faith...
"Fear is a Liar" by Zach Williams...
When he told you you're not good enough, when he told you you're not right,
When he told you you're not strong enough to put up a good fight.
When he told you you're not worthy, when he told you you're not loved,
When he told you you're not beautiful, you'll never be enough.
Fear, he is a liar!
He will take your breath, stop you in your steps.
Fear, he is a liar!
He will rob your rest, steal your happiness.
Cast your fear in the fire 'cause fear, he is a liar!
When he told you were troubled. you'll forever be alone.
When he told you should run away, you'll never find a home.
When he told you you were dirty, and you should be ashamed,
When he told you you could be the one that grace could never change,
Oh, fear, he is a liar!
Once again, this next song describes so well my own experience with "breaking up with fear."
"The Breakup Song by Francesca Battestelli
Sick and tired of being sick and tired,
Had as much of you as I can take.
I'm so done, so over being afraid!
Something's gotta give, so I give up you. There's no room for you here!
Yeah, I've seen enough! The 'No Vacancy' sign on my heart is lit up...
Is there anybody out there just like me? Anybody needing fear to leave?
If you don't know how to say it, sing along with me...
Sing fear, you don't own me. There ain't no room in this story,
And I ain't got time for you...telling me what I'm not, like you know me. Well, guess what?
I know who I am!
I know I'm strong, brave. And I am free! Got my own identity!
So fear, you will never be welcome here!
More songs about recovery...
"Love Broke Thru" by Toby Mac
I did all that I could do to undo me,
But you loved me enough to pursue me.
Yeah, you drew me out of the shadows, made me believe that I mattered to You.
You were there, You heard my prayer, in that broke-down dusty room,
It was the first time I said 'I'm yours"
The first time I called you 'Lord."
When love broke through, You found me in the darkness,
Wanderin' in the desert, I was a hopeless fool.
Now I'm hopelessly devoted. My chains are broken!
And it all began with You, when love broke through!
"Breakdown" by Andrew Ripp
If you're washed up on a lonesome shore, soul crushed and tired.
If you're curled up on the kitchen floor, and the house is on fire.
If you couldn't feel further from redemption, you're the closest you've ever been.
Rock bottom is a firm foundation, you'll see, my friend.
This is not a breakdown, it's a breakthrough!
This is not a midnight, it's a brand new morning!
When it dawns on the dark, no, this is not the moment
When it falls apart.
It's a beautiful place to start!
When you find yourself thanking the storm, 'cause the floodgates have opened
And you let go of standing on the edge of what the future's holding,
Hear your prayers turn from begging God to praising Him,
As you find out He's always been much closer than air you're breathing.
So breathe in my friend!
This is not a breakdown, it's a breakthrough!
I love the idea of rock bottom being a firm foundation! Now that may not make sense, but we have found that the rock at the bottom of rock bottom is always Jesus Christ. And He is our firm foundation. So that makes perfect sense to me...
Another great song about addiction, and about life...because sometimes it seems we are just wandering in the wilderness, and we don't know where to turn...
"Desert Road" by Casting Crowns...
I don't wanna write this song, I don't want this pain to be my story.
I don't want this desert road, are You sure this is the plan You have for me?
Out here in the dust and clay, God, if there's a bigger picture,
It's gettin' hard to see today, but I know that You won't leave me.
I don't know where this is goin'
But I know who holds my hand.
It's not the path I would have chosen,
But I'll follow you to the end.
Lord, as long as I am breathin' I will make Your glory known,
Even if it means I'm walkin' on this desert road.
"Goodbye Yesterday" by Elevation Worship
Goodbye yesterday,
I'm livin' in the light of a new day!
I won't waste another minute in my old ways!
Praise the Lord, I've been born again!
Again and again and again and again
You rescued me out of the mess I was in!
You traded my sorrow for something to sing,
Now I'm dancin' on the grave that I once lived in!
That song, for me, is a recovery anthem! It's full of energy, celebrating the new life found both in recovery and in Jesus. The idea of "dancing on the grave I once lived in" hits home. It perfectly describes my life in recovery and in living the gospel. I love it!
Well, there are way too many favorites, and I can't share them all. But here are a couple more to finish, and this next one is definitely another anthem of sorts. It was written by Bart Millard of the group Mercy Me for a friend of the band that was in a horrific accident and lost his limbs. It's called
"Say I Won't" by Mercy Me
Today it all begins, I'm seeing my life for the very first time through a different lens.
Yesterday I didn't understand,
Driving 35 with a rocket inside...didn't know what I had.
While I've been waiting to live, my life's been waiting on me.
Not enough is what I've been told,
But it must be a lie, 'cause the Spirit inside says I'm so much more!
So let them say what they want, oh I dare them to try...
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,
So keep saying I won't and I'll keep proving you wrong!
I'm gonna run. No, I'm gonna fly!
I'm gonna know what it means to live and not just be alive!
The world's gonna hear 'cause I'm gonna shout,
And I will be dancing when circumstances drown the music out.
Say I won't!
As I began recovery, I discovered that I had, in fact, been going only "35 with a rocket inside." I had been "waiting to live" while my life was waiting on me. Waiting on me to wake up, to pay attention, to live with intention, to put that rocket that God had blessed me with in gear. Great song!
There are too many amazing, awesome, Spirit-full songs to share in this short space. As I said earlier, this music has helped fill that "God-sized" hole in heart that I tried to fill for years with other things. I love all of it...the happy songs, the serious songs, the worship songs, the fun songs (Forrest Frank!) Marilyn and I, along with children and grandchildren, have loved attending many live concerts that felt more like worship time than just fun time. When our friend Leeann said that we need to "load up on Jesus" in order to live successfully in continuing recovery, this is a large part of that. I get to load up on Jesus every day... The first time I heard this next song, I cried. And I still do...
We have these lyrics hanging on the wall in our basement...
"I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me
I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side.
I can only imagine what my eyes would see when Your face is before me.
I can only imagine!
I can only imagine when that day comes,
And I find myself standing in the Son.
I can only imagine when all I will do is forever, forever worship You.
I can only imagine!
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine!
And finally...I have three favorite hymns in the hymnbook of the church. "I Stand All Amazed," "I Believe in Christ," and "I Know That My Redeemer Lives." Why are those my favorites? Because they all begin with "I." While we recognize a universal Atonement given us as a gift by Jesus Christ, and we know it to be an eternal Atonement, until it became very personal for me, I didn't get it. I couldn't understand, and the meaning of it all was just too big and too impersonal to settle in my mind, heart, and soul. Was it really for me, or just for those people who were "righteous" and didn't have the weaknesses I had and hadn't made the lousy choices I had made. But...very early in my recovery and my time at Desert Solace I discovered this: I am loved. I am not what I do. I am more, much more! The love and the Atoning Sacrifice of Jesus was just for me. This was personal in ways I had never imagined or dreamed of. That is the foundation of my recovery, and it has become the foundation of my life. That is the "I" in each of these hymns! This hymn is number 1...
"I Stand All Amazed" by Charles Hutchinson Gabriel
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.
Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.
I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine.
That He should extend His great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify!
I think of His hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt.
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at His feet.
Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me, enough to die for me!
I cannot sing that song without tears! And the very best arrangement and performance of this beautiful hymn is by the Millenial Choir and Orchestra. Find it on You Tube...
Once again, if you're not familiar with this music, you are invited to listen. It will change your life as you "load up on Jesus!"
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