Amy...on "Unashamed Unafraid"
"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."
Doctrine and Covenants 18:10
I'm kind of picky about my car...I like to keep it clean. It's frustrating sometimes! We go through the carwash, get nice and clean, maybe even vacuum the interior. Dry it off, use some tire shine on the tires, and really detail it. Man, it's almost like new! But...it just doesn't last. As soon as I drive it to work and it sits outside in the parking lot for eight hours, and then after the trip home on the freeway, it's dusty, if not not dirty. It was clean for one day...maybe less! Even if I keep it locked in the garage, there is still a layer of dust that settles on it, and in no time it could be washed again. And if it rains just a little bit, I end up with a car covered in brown spots. Ugh! This is why I pay a monthly fee for unlimited car washes...
But it's not just the dust and the dirt. Over time there are some rock chips, both on the windshield and the front of the car. There might be a door ding or two, and a couple of years ago someone apparently backed into my car in a parking lot and left a couple of dings in the trunk lid and scratched the back bumper. Ugh again! That car just will not stay perfect!!
My car and I have talks all the time. I tell it to stay clean and sometimes I beg it to stay clean, but that never works. I try to shame it into staying clean. Sometimes I threaten it to stay clean! None of that works. I guess I could take a crowbar and beat it until it agreed to stay clean, but then it would just be a useless hunk of metal. So that might not be something that would work either. So, what's my alternative? Just keep getting it washed, at least once a week. Take the best care of it that I can, and don't lose sleep over a dirty/dusty car with some wear and tear on it. My clean...or dirty...car does not define me, and it cannot ever keep itself clean. It lives in a dusty, dirty world, and every time I take the freeway to work, we're risking more rock chips or damage.
So how is my car like me? Like us? Well, you're probably thinking that this is a stupid analogy, because a car does not have the ability to choose. It can't choose to stay clean, but I can. Or you can. I get that, but here's the thing...you and I cannot stay clean, even though we do get to choose. You and I live in a dirty/dusty world, and some of that dust and dirt will land on us constantly. We can try to avoid it, but even if we locked ourselves in our house, put away our phone and computer, kept the TV off, and read the scriptures all day long, we could not be perfect. And some of us, as I did, make choices that get us so deep in the dirt and the mud of life, we don't know how to pull ourselves out. Or we drive into a ditch, and get stuck. We are SO like my car...
But here's the BIG difference. As soon as I drove that car off the lot, it became worth less than I had paid for it. The trade-in value is only a percentage of the price paid when it was purchased, and it's value continues to diminish over time. Even if I get it washed every week, have all the suggested maintenance done by the dealer, and even get all the dents repaired with a new paint job, it will still be worth less and less the longer I own it. My car is an expense, not an investment.
But the opposite is true for us! WE ARE AN INVESTMENT! Our worth does not diminish over time...it does not change. Our worth is not determined by how clean or how dirty we are, if we've done the required "maintenance" of gospel living...checking boxes...or how many rock chips, dents, bruises, or scars we have. As Amy said, "Our worth is set." We are worth everything to our Father and our Savior, and Jesus has the scars to prove it. We are not what we do. We are lovable, we are redeemable, we are the reason for everything God has done, is doing, and will do with this world we live on and our fellow travelers on it, even if we...and they...don't know it.
Thomas S. Monson said "The worth of a soul is its capacity to become as God." The key word here? "Capacity." Possibility. Opportunity. Likelihood. Hope. Ability. Potential. Divine DNA. That capacity is a part of each of us, and it defines our worth. Joy D. Jones, in her great talk "Value Beyond Measure" said..."Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well...let's not be confused about who we are." So many of us are...
So...if our worth is set, why do we talk about worthiness? And what's the difference between the two? Growing up in the church I never understood the difference, and it wasn't until I began my recovery journey...or second half of life...that the difference became apparent. Early in my time at Desert Solace I learned, and experienced for myself, who I really am as a son of God, and the unequivocal love He has for me. As Alma said, He 'snatched" me out of my "pit" and brought be home. He gave me opportunity for change and for healing. I was able to discover His love as never changing and never ending, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ was not just universal but, more importantly, very, very personal. Their Grace is real, and it flows through everything and is everywhere, and I get to choose to live in that flow every day. But what about worthiness?
In that same talk, Sister Jones also discussed this..."Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: worth and worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us, not as the world values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came to this earth. 'God's love is infinite and it will endure forever.' On the other hand, worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but never worth less! We continue to repent and strive to be like Jesus with our worth intact."
I believe she is saying worthiness comes from what we do, and our worth comes from who we are. Who we are...in the eyes of our Father and His Son...does not change. What we do and how we act certainly can change, and does change. Our worthiness is set against the guardrails of boundaries, or commandments, or laws, which exist to keep us safe and to help us to be happy and experience joy, despite our circumstances. Worthiness is a measuring stick. There are some things we must be worthy to participate in, but we must not confuse how we are being measured with who we are. How often did Jesus deny healing to someone in need of it because they were not worthy of His healing? Never! What did He require? Belief...and sometimes He even healed those who may not have even believed.
The woman brought to Jesus caught in adultery. Was she worthy? Did her behavior, her actions, anything about how she was living her life, make her worthy? No. But...what was her worth to Jesus? She was worth everything. He got down in the dirt with her, did not condemn her, and covered her in Grace when He forgave her and simply told her to go and change her life..."Sin no more." What did He write in the dirt as each of her accusers, one by one, was leaving? We don't know, but as Pastor Steven Furtick said, maybe He was writing the rest of her story. A new story and a redeemed story, just as He wants to write our continuing story...if we would just let Him.
Jesus will never shame us. Teachers might, parents might, some church leaders might, but Jesus never will. Shame will never produce true worthiness, because under the cloud of shame, I cannot see my worth. Real worthiness is more than just what we do or don't do, and is more than living by a prescribed set of rules. Real worthiness comes from a change of heart, and when we come to realize our worth, worthiness will naturally follow. If we are "white knuckling" worthiness, much like we might "white knuckle" sobriety, it might look and sound good in church, but it will never last and and will never change us. It is certainly okay to do the right thing for the wrong reason, because we're still doing the right thing. But...real joy comes from doing the right thing for the right reason. Being able to say "I am worthy" because my stony heart has been replaced by a heart of flesh, and I want...really want...to live within the boundaries God has set for me. Once again, it all comes down to the "why." If the "why" is I love God, because He first loved me, then I'm on the right track. Then I can do anything...anything...as I live in the flow of Grace. Jesus wants our heart, and when we give Him that, real change happens. We can know we are worth everything, and we can "have no more disposition to do evil." Living a worthy life is just attaching ourselves to the Vine (John 15). It's flow and it's joy. It's a life of acceptance rather than resistance. It's so much better than the other possibilities...
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