Edmund Burke
"Our God is a Warrior because there are certain things in life worth fighting for, must be fought for. He makes man a warrior in His own image, because He intends for man to join Him in that battle."
John Eldredge
A few weeks ago I spent three days in the cold, snowy Utah mountains at Warrior Heart Boot Camp, which was sponsored and conducted by the same great guys involved in the Unashamed and Unafraid podcasts. If you're not familiar with them, look them up! Marilyn and I are episode 41...
Warrior Heart Boot Camp is based on the book by John Eldredge "Wild at Heart" and is a three day Christian men's retreat held every six months or so. It was an incredible three days for me, and was probably the best thing I've participated in since Desert Solace! Three years ago I actually attended "Timeout for Women" with Marilyn (long story about that which I won't tell here). It was a great day of inspirational presentations and music, and afterward I asked "Where's the 'Timeout for Men?!" Well, Boot Camp is it! No cell service, awesome, sometimes heavy and difficult presentations, plenty of loud worship music (love it!!), lots of man hugging, and tons of prayer...real, honest, gritty prayer. And the food was good too!
We discussed "The Core Desires of a Man's Heart"...BATTLE, ADVENTURE, AND BEAUTY. A battle to fight. What? I have never been a fighter. I have always hated confrontation...it's just been very uncomfortable for me. I know...there are lots of people, men and women, that live for confrontation, a good argument, and that just don't seem happy unless they're loudly disagreeing with someone else about something. I've never understood that, and in recovery I've understood it even less. In my notes from Boot Camp I wrote "Jesus is fierce. Am I?" And that really caused me to think. How is Jesus fierce? Well, we are finishing up the study of the Old Testament this year in our Sunday School and church curriculum, and I think I've seen the answer. Jesus was, after all, Jehovah, and the Hebrew bible is filled with battles, both won and lost, and the message is clear... fight with Jehovah and it's impossible to lose. His promise throughout those scriptures is "I will be with you." "Be not afraid." Even if you are severely outnumbered, I've got this. You are on the winning team. So the question then becomes, "Do I trust Him?" And the next question is, ""What battle am I fighting? Today? Now?"
My other note says "Purpose! If we have no purpose we will just numb out...What is my battle plan?" This is the same as living life consciously...or not. In awareness...or not. With intention...or not. Because if I live my life without intention, without being aware of how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, or what I'm doing, or I live it unconsciously and have little or no real purpose then I'll drift. If I live life without engaging the enemy...and yes, there is an enemy!...and have no battle plan, I'm in trouble. and my chances of being successful are severely diminished.
The beginning point, I believe, is this. KNOW WHO YOU ARE. This was a critical initial part of my recovery journey, this discovery or who and what I am. I'm not just talking about "potential" here. It's not just about what I could become but it's about who I am...now! Many of us grew up singing "I am a child of God" and I guess our parents, teachers, and church leaders thought that was enough, but it wasn't...not for me. I needed to discover that for myself, in a very real way. So that idea is so very important, the idea that we are linked to the Creator of the universe in a personal, intimate way that is really deeper than we can imagine or understand in this life. But even more than that is the idea that not only am I His son, but I am an eternal being, and my beginning and ending don't exist. I can't understand it, but somehow know it's true.
Beginning point number two...THE WAR HAS ALREADY BEEN WON. Jesus won as soon as He emerged from the tomb. Period. I just have to choose a side, and I will not lose this war. I cannot lose. How cool is that?! I'm on the right team, and I can play hard...fight hard...already knowing the final score. We know how this all turns out, and it will be okay in the end! But...knowing all that, I still have battles to fight...
This all started with a war. We really don't know what kind of war happened in our premortal life, but we know we fought it and we know we won, because we're here. In chapter 12 of Revelation we're told "Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven." The dragon lost and we know he took a third of us with him, and he's still mad about the whole thing. Why? He wanted recognition and power. Huge ego! Exactly as we have seen throughout history, and exactly what we see now all around us in the world. And those third of our brothers and sisters? They were scared, and they didn't trust Jesus...they didn't think He'd do what he promised, to bring us back. Fear and uncertainty. No faith. No trust. Lots of anger I suppose, lots of "what-ifs." And then war broke out. So our battles began before this earth even existed, and they continue today.
As an addict I felt so often that I was losing the battle and that I was going to lose the war. I had given up, and just didn't care anymore. And that is precisely what our enemy wants. He wants us to feel like losers, to give up hope, to lose strength, and to forget who's side we're on. There's a reason that suicide is the seventh highest cause of death for men in the United States, and is statistically rising year after year. If we don't know who we are, and we don't feel purpose in our life, we will rarely be willing to do battle. Our hearts get hard while our minds get soft and our vision gets blurred. We know there's pain there somewhere, but we just want it to go away, so we numb it any way we can. Our lives become full of meaningless stuff, and then they can just become meaningless. I remember early in Desert Solace, Lynne called us "Light Warriors." I loved that! And then I remembered that my patriarchal blessing said I was valiant in my premortal life. Valiant! I was a soldier on the winning team, maybe on the front lines! Bold. Steady. Strong. Unmovable. And I'm sure you were there too! And once again I'm reminded that in this life, the only thing we can do perfectly is to not quit. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Continue the battle. And we do not have to do this on our own or by ourself! Just like the Old Testament, God is with us! Always! We just have to be open to Him and allow Him to help, and many times that's not an easy thing to do.
Joseph Grenny wrote..."Intentionally looking for the interim miracles in the war adds to your faith and faith enables patience - which is the essence of character. When God has helped you become the person your recovery can help you to become, He will at last endow you with the ultimate miracle: a complete change of heart...If getting what you want to have is more important than becoming who He wants you to be, you will ultimately achieve neither. Patience is the key. And patience can be built by developing the skill of gratitude. Gratitude is the best inoculation against despair and impatience...
"Watching for and acknowledging today's tender mercies helps replace hopelessness with gratitude and entitlement with patience. Gratitude is a powerful way of generating positive emotions now."
Our battle is defensive...we are protecting ourselves and our families. We're protecting our minds and our hearts, our sobriety and our recovery. But we know that the best defense is a good offense, and a good offense lies in our intentions. Stephen Covey is famous for saying "Begin with the end in mind." But this battle is about becoming someone and something different, and is not just about getting what we want. We may say "I want to be sober! Why can't I?" Well, maybe we are wanting the wrong thing. Yes, not acting out is important...even critical...to our recovery, but it's not enough. "Living" in recovery is the goal...living a new life. A bigger life. A joyful life, full of gratitude for what little victories we might achieve. Transformation. Change. A turnaround. Redeemed physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and relationally by the One...the ONLY ONE...who can pull that off. We cannot accomplish this by ourselves. It happens over time, maybe a lifetime, and it happens with the help and support and love of many people and our Father and our Brother, and it always begins with us answering the question..."What do I really want?" and..."What am I willing to fight for?" Then the next question we need to answer is..."What am I willing to give up to get it?" What are we willing to sacrifice to become the "new creature" Jesus invites us to become? What will I give up to experience real joy and peace in my life? What's my battle plan, and am I willing to not quit when it gets tough? Because it's hard...really hard. But there is no redemption and there is no transformation without doing the work. I've learned that Grace is real, and it is gritty and it is transformative and it is an invitation into something so much better than I had ever imagined...IF I'm willing. To do the work. To not give up. To sacrifice. To get real about my life. To be honest and vulnerable. To live today and let go of yesterday. In essence, to do battle.
I've ofter wondered why the "war chapters" in Alma in the Book of Mormon are included. What's the point? Isn't Jesus about love and peace? But I see them differently now, because I believe they are included to show us how to battle and what we are fighting for. Moroni was only twenty-five years old when he was appointed chief captain over the Nephite armies, but was wise beyond his years. As we read these chapters we see his incredible preparations for battle, while always hoping to somehow avoid battle. Loss of life...any life...weighed heavily upon him, and he was filled with compassion. But he did not shy away from the battle! We're told..."Nevertheless, the Nephites were inspired by a better cause, for they were not fighting for monarchy nor power but they were fighting for their homes and their liberties, their wives and their children, and their all, yea, for their rites of worship and their church." We know about the Title of Liberty, which Captain Moroni used to unite his people in their just cause. He began with the end in mind, and yet he solely depended upon God for the results. Isn't that just like recovery? Isn't that just like life? Isn't that how we can fight our own battles and come out victorious?
John Eldredge wrote..."You will be tested...The enemy comes, probing the perimeter. He knows your story, knows where the weak spots are. But this is our training...This is how we develop a resolute heart. We make no agreements with whatever the temptation or accusation is. We repent the moment we do stumble, repent quickly, so that we don't get hammered. We pray for strength...we directly resist the enemy, out loud.
"The recovery of the Warrior is absolutely crucial to the recovery of a man. All else rests on this, for you will have to fight my brothers, for everything you desire and everything you hold dear in this world...you have a warrior's heart, because you bear the image of God."
The key is this..."engage." Do not stand on the sidelines. Life, and recovery, is not a spectator sport. If we are only watching, we're getting soft and our heart is getting weak. We must take action. We must DO something! We must be willing to step into the larger story God has in store for us, but if we are not willing to be actively engaged...to do battle every day...if we are not willing to partner with a "fierce" Jesus to defend our hearts, lives, and families against an enemy who never quits...we will just live like most of the world, in a world of pain, of lack, of chaos, of assumption, of addiction, and of fear. And then we are right where the enemy desires us. Just imagine how incredibly valuable we each are...because the enemy and the Creator of the universe are fighting over us! Once again, we can invite Christ in and fight alongside him, and there is no way we lose. There are more for us than against us! Remember, the war has already been won. Just choose a side...
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