"Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it."
Hebrews 2:1 (ESV)
"Lord, keep me in the moment,
help me live with my eyes wide open,
'cause I don't wanna miss what you have for me..."
Jeremy Camp..."Keep Me in the Moment"
A couple of years ago Marilyn and I attended a meeting sponsored by our church ward, at which the invited speaker was Leslee Henson. Leslee and her husband David were walking down the street near their home in St. George, Utah on March 4th, 2013, when a car driven by a 50 year old woman slammed into another car which then slammed into David and Leslee. David died from that accident, and Leslee endured fifteen days in the intensive care unit after having reconstructive surgery to her head and face that required 5000 stitches and staples. She also suffered a broken neck, two fractures in her spine, bleeding on her brain, a separated shoulder, a separation of the nerves to her eyes, and severe road rash. She underwent physical, occupational and neurological therapy as part of her long and difficult recovery. At that meeting Leslee appeared to be fully recovered and healthy and we were amazed as she shared her powerful story with us.
The cause of this horrendous accident? Distraction. That 50 year old woman was looking at her phone, texting. Not only was Leslee's life changed forever, especially with the tragic loss of her husband, but other lives were as well. The woman who caused the accident was arrested, and her life was also changed forever. The man in the car which she hit had to deal with the fact that his car had run over two pedestrians, although through no fault of his own. So the suffering and pain caused that day affected not only them but also children, grandchildren, extended family and many friends of all these people.
We hear or read about stories just like this one all the time, and yet people continue to drive distracted. And we all say..."How can someone do that?!" We get angry, feel justified in our outrage, and yet...we're all guilty. Maybe we don't drive distracted, but most of us live distracted. I've written before about living a "conscious" life...being aware. Awareness is one of the most important principles in any recovery, but I believe that most of us just aren't very good at this because the distractions are everywhere...
In her book, "How Did We Get Here?", author Christine Caine quotes Hebrews chapter 2. It begins, "Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it." Imagine...if the woman driving that car on that particular day on that particular street at that particular moment had been paying "much closer attention" there simply would have been no story to tell, other than David and Leslee had a nice walk on a beautiful spring afternoon in St. George. Of course, the past is the past and can't be changed, and the "what if's" certainly don't help us, but obviously there's a lesson to be learned here. Distractions can be fatal and devastating, both while driving and while living.
"Pay much closer attention...Lest we drift." Can our life drift just like a car drifting out of it's lane? Of course...I'm living proof of that!
More from Christine's book..."The writer (of Hebrews) was speaking to all of us, knowing that any of us at any stage of life could find ourselves in a place we never intended to be. When we begin to drift in any area of our lives, it's subtle. Hardly even noticeable. Barely detectable. It's not a deliberate step we take but more like a gradual slip. Perhaps it occurs as we make small concessions or compromises...
"It just happens. But once it does, if we don't look up and check our markers, we will be taken places we never wanted to go - emotionally, physically, relationally, or spiritually. There is no aspect of our lives that is immune from drifting and no single person who is not prone to drift...
"It is so easy to drift. All you have to do is nothing."
Living in Santa Monica during my high school years I spent a lot of time at the beach. In fact, on most summer days we'd be at Sorrento beach by 9 in the morning and spend most of the day there...body surfing, lying in the sun, eating the best burgers in the world (and the best fries!), talking, and playing volleyball or frisbee. My skin was dark and my hair was close to white, and I loved that salty feeling of the dried sea water on me. They were great, carefree days spent with good friends. But we knew that on days when the currents were strong we needed to pay close attention in the water because it was way too easy to get caught in that current and drift down the beach, or when the tide was going out we knew to swim parallel with the shore until we could get back in to the safety of the beach. Our marker was the lifeguard station, and that would be our focus. If we weren't paying attention we could end up where we never intended to be. Just like life...
In First Nephi, chapter 11, Nephi wants to have the same experience his dad shared with him...this amazing dream of the Tree of Life. In the first verse, Nephi tells us he "sat pondering in in mine heart". So...he left his phone in the other room, turned off the TV and the computer, shut down his video games, and just sat. In silence. And pondered. He was quiet and he was thinking...deeply. There were no distractions for him then, and he was focused intently on what he wanted..."I had desired to know the things that my father had seen." And he also believed that could happen. This wasn't just a wish for Nephi...he knew it could happen and he expected it to happen. He believed confidently. So as he sat there quietly focused, he tells us he was visited by the Spirit of the Lord. And the Spirit asked him, "What desirest thou?" In other words, "Nephi, what do you really want?" How cool is that?! Of course He knew what Nephi wanted, but He asked the question anyway. So that's the question for me, in recovery and in my life...What do I desire? What do I really want?
I've discovered that if I can't answer that simple question I will be drifting for eternity. And that's the question for every one of us, and especially for someone beginning recovery from any addiction or just from life. What do I really want? What will I focus on? What will be my "lifeguard tower"? How will I manage the currents and the undertow of life? Can I stay 'on course" if I don't even know what the course is? This is a simple question, but may be the most important question we can answer in our lifetime.
And then...do I believe? Do I believe it's possible to get there and to stay there? Of course, in the beginning, most of us really don't know if we can stay sober, live in recovery, and be changed and redeemed. We can barely put one foot in front of the other as we begin traveling the path of recovery. But...if we're willing to do that...just put one foot in front of the other, one step and one day at a time...with some faith and hope attached to that...at some point we can begin to answer that question and we can begin to believe. And most importantly, we must share both our answer and our belief with others...our spouse, maybe our parents if we're not married. Our bishop or pastor or priest. Our therapist or counselor. Our best friend. And especially with our Higher Power...for me that is my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. If we don't share and aren't honest and open, and we just keep all that to ourselves we will begin drifting again very soon...and we'll find ourselves going down the same rabbit hole we just started to pull ourselves out of.
In October of 2006, David Bednar said this..."As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon." And in section 58 of the Doctrine and Covenants, we're told..."Verily I say, men (and women) should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness, for the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves."
So...what's all that mean to me in recovery? I get to choose, every day. I get to answer my own question, and I get to make the choices that will take me in the direction I've chosen, or away from it. I have the ability to move ahead, stay where I am, or just do nothing and start drifting again. Being "acted upon" happens when I either do nothing or make poor choices. It's losing sight of my marker...my "lifeguard tower"...and losing sight of my Lifeguard. Because He's the One who can carry me along when I get tired, and He's the one who can heal me. But He can only do that if I choose it and allow it...and a big part of that daily choosing is "acting"...living with intention and focus, and minimizing distractions. He can only do that if I am acting out of faith and not fear, because when fear is my motivator it will lead me to what's easy and distracting. It will lead me away from my intention, and I will drift off with the current of shame, regret, and addiction. But once again...it's so important to know that I'm not alone in all this. Besides my Lifeguard, there are all kinds of swimmers on my beach that care for me and love me and want to help me...my wife, my bishop, my friends, my family, and others. But...they can't if I don't let them.
Mark Stuart wrote...""God cannot direct the steps of those who refuse to be in motion. We each have a path in front of us that leads to our biggest, best, and highest purpose. We stare at the path knowing not what's required, only that it's more than we care capable of. It's designed that way. We need only the faith to begin, to put one foot in front of the other and to trust the called upon wisdom at each fork we face. Fear is a slow quicksand at the foot of the trail. The longer we stand in place, the deeper we sink. God is patient. He'll throw us as many ropes as we need to keep pulling us out, but until we're willing to take the uncharted path toward our destiny we will keep sinking. God wants us in motion."
Have you ever wondered why Jesus calls us sheep and Himself the Good Shepherd? Sheep tend to wander. They're defenseless, especially when they've wandered away from the flock. And guess what...we're no different. If you played little league baseball, or had a child or grandchild who played, you remember that kid in right field. The right fielder is always the one who is the least talented at baseball, and really doesn't want to be there. He's out there picking dandelions, or watching a plane fly over, or waving to his parents. He's certainly not paying rapt attention to the game. He's mentally wandering...How many of us live our lives like that kid in right field? How many of us are that sheep that wandered away? I did. Jesus talked about that one sheep...the one who got lost. The shepherd dropped everything and left the ninety nine to go search for that one. Why? Because losing one is one too many...every sheep is important and precious. Every sheep has untold value. I am that one hundredth sheep. I'm that right fielder who wasn't paying attention to the game, who didn't really want to be there, and who was distracted by every dandelion and plane flying over my head. And as a result I ended up in that quicksand of fear, and the rabbit hole of addiction. And addiction then robbed me of my ability to choose and I was only being acted upon, and my life pretty well sucked.
But...the good news is, my Shepherd rescued me, and I learned a better way beginning in Desert Solace. I learned who I really am, how loved I am, and how valuable I am. I became able to see things as they really are, and to begin a relationship with my Lifeguard, who saved me from not just drifting but from drowning. I learned to live with intention, and experienced life that is focused, fun, and fulfilling. I learned that I can indeed choose...choose to live in joy and peace, despite my circumstances. Choose a better way. Choose to act and not be acted upon. And I've discovered it's so much better...
The wife of one of our Desert Solace alumni tells him each day as he leaves the house, "Pay attention out there." Why does she do that? What could possibly go wrong for a recovering sex addict out in the world? (This is where the laughing emoji is inserted)! She knows...as soon as he stops paying attention, he will begin to drift. And drifting doesn't work...
From my Desert Solace notes...
"Be present in the moment - think. Be conscious. Be aware. Don't ever say or think 'I don't care.' I need to care. Everything matters - every thought matters."
"I'm not a product of my circumstances. I'm a product of my choices."
"What you focus on you create. You are a creator."
"I am the architect of my life."
"Begin each day with intention, and carry that through the day."
If each day begins with my "dailies"...reading, scripture, prayer, meditation, listening to a podcast, listening to good music, etc...each day will be another step on the recovery path. We can choose to be grateful for that day, and it will make a huge difference in how we live that day, and how we interact with others. Of course life is to be enjoyed, and watching a movie, or sports, or playing a video game, or reading a novel, or even spending some time connecting on social media can be part of that enjoyment. But...when we spend more time being distracted than we do in consciously living life, we're in trouble. If we're checking our phone first thing in the morning, if we're spending six hours a day playing video games, if we're spending money at the mall or on Amazon that we don't have, or if we're doing anything in excess, we're drifting. We're not paying attention, and we're being acted upon. It's a balancing act, but I believe one day we'll realize that most of what we worried about in this life, and where we spent most of our time, simply didn't matter...
To end, three quotes...
"Nothing worthwhile ever just happens."
Jeffrey R. Holland
"No one ever drifted into holiness."
John Scott
"Even good things can distract us from our primary purpose."
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Thank you Chris for the reminder to stay aware. You continue to be an inspiration to all of us♥️
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