Richard Rohr
"Things that go wrong can shape us or scar us...
And when each of us looks back at all the turns and folds God has allowed in our lives, I don't think it looks like a series of folded-over mistakes and do-overs that have shaped our lives. Instead, I think we'll conclude in the end that maybe we're all a little like human origami and the more creases we have, the better."
Bob Goff
Yesterday was an amazing day. We buried Marilyn's older sister, Janice. I know...it doesn't sound amazing, but it was. See, you have to know Janice, or at least know about her.
She was only sixty-nine years old when she died rather suddenly last week, but she had not been in good health for a while. She was the oldest of three children, and when she was younger...well, older too...she tended to be jealous of other people and what they had. A bigger house, nicer car, etc. But at the same time, she always had the ability to love others and to find joy with them. So, like most of us, she was complicated. My children called her "crazy aunt Janice" and she ended every sentence...yes, EVERY sentence...with an exclamation point. (!!!)
Her life was not easy at times, and once again, like most of us, she found herself in the middle of some messes...and had some very difficult experiences that both shaped her and left some scars. Her relationship with her three children was sometimes difficult and strained, although she loved them and her nine grandchildren deeply. Nothing made her happier than to be with her grandchildren.
About five months ago Janice had a heart attack, was rushed to the hospital by her daughter Jenna, and overheard the doctors saying that she was not going to make it. She pleaded with her Heavenly Father to give her more time, and He did! So, why this story about her? Because after that singular experience of almost not being here anymore, she shifted. She changed. She began to see things "as they really are." Her relationships changed, and she was full of apology for past hurts and also full of forgiveness. She had some deep conversations with her daughter, and mended that relationship. Her social media posts changed from sharing recipes to sharing inspirational and spiritual quotes. She learned to love more deeply and with less judgment than ever before. And then last week, she simply fell asleep in her recliner, and was gone. I believe she was ready...
Like most of us, Janice had a lot of "creases." In Richard Rohr's book, "Falling Upward", he writes about what he calls "the two halves of life." Janice lived the second half of her life in the last five months of it. So what does Richard mean by two halves, because as we know, if we have two halves they are equal, right? If I'm sixty-six years old, then the first half of my life was my first thirty-three years. Mathematically that's right, but in reality not so much. Really, my first half of life lasted sixty-two years, until the moment I began recovery. For some, their first half may be short, and others not so much. But each of us is different with different life experiences. Richard says that in the first half of life we are most concerned with ourselves. School. Friends. Dating. Career. Marriage. Children. House. Car. Etc...
But, inevitably, as least for most of us, we'll have an opportunity to graduate from that "self" centered life into one where we "see things as they really are" and shift, as I believe Janice did, into a life centered on those around us. Jesus said that if we love Him, we'll obey His commandments. Then He gave us his two commandments...yes, only two...Love God and Love people. As I've written before, everything we do and every "commandment" we keep is only a result of being willing to live those two. One of my favorite people, Bob Goff, wrote "Things that go wrong can shape us or scar us." My experience is that they do both, and each of us has had or will have "things that go wrong"...an experience that seems like it will crush us or destroy us. Something so difficult that we simply can't get through it on our own. We may get close to death, have a debilitating disease, live in addiction, lose a loved one, go through a divorce, be betrayed by a spouse or a friend...that list is endless, the extent of human suffering is endless.
But...Richard says this: "Sooner or later, if you are on any classical 'spiritual schedule,' some event, death, idea, or relationship will enter your life that you simply cannot deal with, using your present skill set, your acquired knowledge, or your strong willpower. Spiritually speaking, you will be, you must be, led to the edge of your own private resources. At this point you will stumble over a necessary stumbling stone, as Isaiah calls it; or to state in our language here, you will and you must 'lose' something. This is the only way Life-Fate-God-Grace-Mystery can get you to change, let go of your egocentric preoccupations, and go on the further and larger journey...
"In the end, we do not so much reclaim what we have lost as discover a significantly new self in and through the process. Until we are led to the limits of our present game plan, and find it to be insufficient, we will not search out or find the real Source, the Deep Well, or the constantly Flowing Stream."
So yes, for the truth to set us free, it first will usually make us miserable. As we come out of our "loss"...whatever that experience may be, we have the opportunity...certainly not a guarantee...to move into the second half of life. For me, it's a life living in awareness, of what I'm feeling and experiencing at any given moment. It's a conscious life, and a life filled with intention to create and choose joy, love, peace, and connection. It's a life of choosing "willingness" to live those two commandments, and as I do that everything falls into place. It's a life choosing not to live in fear, although it doesn't just go away, but at least I know it when I see it. It's a life of looking at others through a new lens, of less judgment and more understanding, and definitely more love. It's a life of being honest and letting go...of being present instead of regretting the past or worrying about the future. It's a life of recovery, not just from addiction, but from myself...from my self-centeredness, thinking that my opinion is the one that matters, that the house I live in, the car I drive, the clothes I wear, the job I have all somehow make me better than someone else. That is how I believe the truth sets us free, because then we are free to truly love ourselves and others, and experience life in a completely different way.
Life is tough, and we tend to make it tougher. But, when we have the opportunity to "graduate" to the second half of life, whenever that may be, life can be so much better. Bob Goff wrote that God's Grace comes in all shapes, sizes, and circumstances, and I believe that His Grace shows up in our lives all the time, but we notice it the most when we are miserable...when we are going through that thing that just might kill us. If we are open to it, we can experience that Grace in a way that we can't even describe, and we will be different because of it. For some reason, I think that for most of us, the only way to get to that second half is through difficulty and suffering...the "folds and creases" that God allows us to experience. But, as Bob says, "I think we'll conclude in the end that maybe we're all a little like human origami and the more creases we have, the better."
So yes, yesterday was amazing! It was also difficult and sad, but that's the lesson we learned from Janice's life...she loved other people. Through, and because of, her personal journey she became really good at it. After the funeral service and the graveside service, we later gathered as a family...her kids and grandkids and ours as well...and had dinner and a party. One of the things I love about Jesus is he loved gatherings...dinners and parties. We talked, we laughed, we cried a little, we watched family videos, and we hugged and loved each other. That's exactly what Janice would have wanted...
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