If Ye Love Me...

 

"If you love me, keep my commandments"

                    Jesus

"Love is patient, love is kind,

Rescues hearts and changes lives...

Gotta keep it real simple...

'Cause it all comes down to this,

Love God and love people."

                    Danny Gokey

"We love Him, because He first loved us...If a man say,  I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar; for he that loveth not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?  And this commandment have we from Him, That he who loveth God love his brother also."

                    John 4: 19-21 KJV

As I wrote before, when I began my recovery journey that first day at Desert Solace I had no idea what it would look like or where it would lead me.  No idea.  No clue.  But, I had hit rock bottom big time, and was in no condition to even wonder what the next 90 days and beyond might be like.  I just knew that I was a broken mess and needed help, and was "all in" from the very beginning.  And I soon discovered that recovery, at least for me, was a spiritual journey.  I realized that once I got past Step one of the 12 steps...being honest...both with myself and others, and especially with God, then steps two and three would begin the spiritual journey.  For me...and I can speak only for myself...Hope could only come from my Father and my Savior, and in Step three I had to give all my crap to them.  Of course, all three of those steps don't just happen once, they happen every day, and they are not easy.  But without them, I would still be completely miserable...

A big part of my journey was learning about love.  Well, not just learning about it, but experiencing it.  I also soon came to realize that the people running and working and serving at Desert Solace were not there for the money...nobody's getting rich there...but it was, and is, truly a labor of love.  I came to understand what Step 12 looks like.  Lynne, Shane, Mark, Julie, Jerri and others repeatedly talked and modeled love, both their love for me and for those I was there with, as well as their love of God and His Son.  I felt that early on, and experienced it in so many ways.  I learned that love is the opposite of fear, and fear is the root of hate, judgement, comparison, racism, depression, anxiety, shame, and all other negative emotions...so much of what I had felt in the time leading up to Desert Solace.  Love really was the answer...and sometimes that love was very honest, very difficult, very raw, very challenging, but always for my good.  That kind of love is not always easy or gentle...sometimes we call it "tough love"...but it is love nonetheless.

So, growing up in the church...as probably in any Christian church...I was told repeatedly to "obey the commandments."  As a young man growing up I just accepted that...Sure, I could do that!  Well, that didn't turn out so well.  There were many times in our married life that Marilyn would get so frustrated and say "I just can't do it all!"  Because in our church we have callings to fulfill...teachers, presidencies, home or visiting teachers (now ministering), tithing to pay, meetings to attend...and the list goes on and on and on.  And everything...all of it...is good.  But of course most of us really aren't great at "obeying the commandments"...we're broken, we're weak, we're imperfect, we're feeling guilt or shame so much of the time...and we just want to give up sometimes.  We are just not Nephi...we're much more like Peter before the resurrection.  One minute we're 100% in, and the next minute we're like, "I'm so done."

As I began my journey in recovery, and began a new experience with God, I realized this:  There are only two commandments...Love God and love others.  Period.  And as I've continued this journey, with it's ups, downs, relapse, recovery, study, prayers, and all the other experiences I've been blessed with, I believe this more than ever.  Two commandments...Love.

What are God's commandments anyway?  I have come to know that they are His boundaries.  Boundaries have been a huge part of continuing recovery, both for Marilyn and myself.  Boundaries protect both of us, and as we honor our word and respect our boundaries, life is really pretty great.  I believe that God's boundaries are both eternal and govern even Him.  And I believe that He has passed those boundaries down to us, His children, not to make our lives more difficult, and not to test us to see if we can get to some future heaven, but to help us navigate this life, now, more easily, joyfully, and successfully.  He's our Dad, and He loves us...more than we can even realize or understand.  And He is not just waiting for us to screw up so He can somehow punish us.  No.  He loves us unconditionally...our worth is set.  But...His love for us is so eternally strong that He has given us boundaries to keep us safe, protected, and happy.

As Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Through the lens of pure love, we see immortal beings of infinite potential and worth and beloved sons and daughters of almighty God.  Once we see through that lens, we cannot discount, disregard, or discriminate against anyone."  He also said, "It is the love of God that rescues, restores, and revives."  And I have learned that for myself.  It is true.

So...only two commandments?  Really?  Well, this is why I believe that...Why do I do anything?  Attend church on Sunday?  Because I love God.  Fulfill my calling to teach Sunday school?  Because I love God and others.  Fulfill a ministering assignment?  Because I love other people.  Worship in the temple?  Pay tithing?  Pay fast offerings?  Volunteer at the church farm, or in the cannery, or in the bishops' storehouse?  Lead the music in Primary?  Take a loaf of bread to a neighbor?  Treat my co-workers well?  Smile, and spread light?  Respect others, no matter the color of their skin or their beliefs? Well, you get the idea...we can do all of this simply because we are obeying commandments one and two.  We love.

Of course, if I'm obeying out of fear or duty, or if I'm obeying to get specific blessings, or if I find it a dreary task just to try to live the gospel, that's not horrible...I'm still in the right place.  And from that place I have an opportunity to figure it out...to shift into love, and then it becomes so much more enjoyable and even joyful.  When I was much younger, about 40 years ago, I had a young elders' quorum president whose favorite phrase was "Brethren, this is not optional!"  Of course, none of us said anything, but today I would raise my hand and disagree...politely and with love.  Because it is optional...I have the gift of choice.  Agency.  So when I "do" something, I now choose into it simply because it's an opportunity to show love for my Savior and those I am serving.  It's not a responsibility.  It's not a duty.  It's an opportunity.  For me, the gospel works so much better this way.

IF...and it's a REALLY a BIG IF...IF we are living commandments One and Two, then that's it.  Everything else just flows as a result of our Love of God and our Love of others.  We don't have to feel guilty, and we don't have to feel shame.  Just love God and people, as Danny Gokey sings...

Of course, it all sounds easier than it is.  Why is it sometimes so difficult?  There are days when we don't even love ourselves, much less anyone else.  There are days when we'd just like to give our children away.  There are days when we wonder what we were thinking when we married that guy.  Or girl.  There are days when we have such a hard time loving our best friend who said or did the "wrong" thing,  much less loving our "enemies"...whoever they may be.  Well, as our therapist David Thompson says, "It's not supposed to be easy."  And it's not...there is no "Easy Button".  It's work, it's struggle, it must be very intentional, and it will continue to be that way.  It's part of eternal progression, and will, I believe, continue well past this life. 

Personal experience...

Just a short time after retuning home from Desert Solace I received a summons for jury duty.  Fun, right?  Not really...But of course, I went to the courthouse downtown on the assigned day and time, and found myself with dozens of other people.  We were led into the courtroom, and most sat in the 'gallery' seating, but I ended up in the actual jury box.  The judge was there, as well as the prosecuting attorneys and the defendant, with his attorneys.  It was explained to us that this would be a murder trial...the defendant was accused of killing a man in a gas station robbery in Magna, a suburb west of Salt Lake City.  As this was all being explained, I looked at the defendant sitting not far from me and felt an overwhelming sense of God's love for him. Tears came to my eyes, and I wondered what had happened in his life to get him here.  Because this surely was his "rock bottom," although his life was probably about to get worse.  But in that moment, I knew God loved him as much as he loved me, or anyone else.  It's hard to explain, but it was very real for me...

More than once, Lynne spent time with us in the fifteenth chapter of John...where I learned about alignment.  Here'a a taste, but I invite you to spend some time there...

"Abide in me, and I in you."  "I am the vine, ye are the branches...for without me ye can do nothing"

"As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you.  Continue ye in my love."

"If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in His love."

"These things have I spoken unto you...that your joy may be full."

"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."

I love this!  It explains everything!  And by the way, did Jesus list a whole bunch of commandments while He was alive?  Not really...just two.  Love God and love people.  So, once again, as we live those two commandments, at least to the best of our sometimes meager ability, everything else just follows.  We live in alignment, and our joy will be full.  Wow!  We can be "joy-full"!  How cool would that be?  My very first weekend at Desert Solace, Kyle, a very wise man who worked there and was a Desert Solace alumnus, told me this, which I wrote in my journal..."I have found that as I live in alignment, God takes care of whatever I need."  For me, at that time, that was an amazing statement.  It still is. But I have discovered for myself, over and over, that it is true.  Living in alignment allows life to flow so much better, and when the tough times come, as they always do, I have been able to navigate them without drowning.

So there is a reason Jesus said in Matthew, chapter 22..."On these two commandments (love God and love thy neighbor) hang all the law and the prophets."  ALL the law.  ALL the prophets.  EVERYTHING.  TWO Commandments...

Jeffrey R. Holland said this, and I have lived this..."After an encounter with the living son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before.  The crucifixion, atonement, and resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it."

And that encounter marks the beginning of the recovery life as well...Just love God and love others.  Why?  Because He has loved us first...