FEAR...OR LOVE?

"Fear is a Liar"
                    Zach Williams

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."
                   Jesus

"Love Does"
                    Bob Goff



How many times in scripture does God, or the Savior, say "Fear not", or "Do not be afraid"?  Too many times to count.  Why?  What's the big deal with fear?  What's the problem?

For many, many years I lived in fear.  Of course I didn't really know it, or realize it, but I did.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not being or doing enough, fear that I just wasn't enough.  Fear that I didn't, and wouldn't, have enough money.  Fear of losing my job.  Fear of not appearing to be in control, even when I wasn't.  Fear of the future.  Fear of the past...that it would catch up to me, and all my bad choices and regrets would come crashing down on me. Fear of pretty much everything.  I was living scared, and it was slowly destroying me.

But I learned early in recovery, in Desert Solace, that there are two overriding emotions in our life.  Fear. And Love.  Every other emotion, negative or positive, we can experience stems from one of those two.
 From Fear...Hate, Jealously, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Judgment, Shame, etc., etc., etc.
 From Love...Peace, Joy, Confidence, Connection, Charity, Self-Care, etc., etc., etc.

Of course, I had gone through life thinking that the opposite of Love was Hate, but now this made total sense to me.  Some of my notes from Shane were...

"The basis of judgments of others is fear...'us' vs. 'them'.  This is how wars start..."

"When you carry fear from the past into the future, you will have the same results."

"With every fear there is always a belief.  Test your beliefs -
Is it true?  Can you absolutely know it's true?  What if it's not true?  How many of MY beliefs are not true, and how many have I just made up?"

Lynne taught me that Fear is resistant.  Love is responsive.

Fear is self serving.  In fear I see people as objects.  In fear, it's always about me, and I am closed to other's care or concern for my well being.  In fear I live life closed to possibilities, and I don't want to be vulnerable or honest with myself or others.  In fear I do something for someone else because I can get something in return...Fear is always transactional.
Fear is feeling pain all the time, and not even knowing it.  Fear is a total lack of awareness.  Fear is being stuck inside myself...
Fear cuts me off from a relationship with God, and with others...
Fear  is crippling, and can stop me in my tracks when I am too afraid to move forward.  In fear, I so often just wanted to isolate...sit in the corner by myself and numb out in my addiction.  In fear I didn't want to face reality...I chose fantasy because it seemed easier, and I was scared.  In fact, in the end, it was so much harder...

Love is honest and vulnerable.  In love I see people, and myself, as real...children and creations of a loving God.  This changes how I see the world, how I view myself, how I connect to and treat others, and how I live my life.  Love is open to all possibilities.  In love I can choose faith, because faith and fear cannot coexist.  In love I can see good everywhere, and I can feel genuine pain when there is pain.  But I can be aware of it, learn from it,  and then eventually let it go.
Love is feeling the pain of others, and helping them through it.  Love is living in awareness.  Love is looking for all the light and life and love that is present in this world.  Love is growth.  Love is "pushing through" when the going gets tough.  Love is being accepting of everyone...it's how Jesus loved His enemies.

In Ephesians we're exhorted to "walk in love".  In Matthew, and other places, we're told to "love thy neighbor as thyself."  Well, that didn't work very well when I certainly didn't love myself.  In fact, as any addict can attest, I didn't even like myself.  Fear does that to you.  Fear sows those ever expanding seeds of doubt, and paralyzes you.  Whatever decision you make will be surely be wrong.  At least that was how I was living.  My mantra was "It's always something!"  And it's not going to be something good...

But in recovery...in my 'new' life...I have experienced God's love for me and others and I have experienced His grace, forgiveness, and mercy.  I have experienced the ability to choose...to choose joy, connection, peace, love, self-care, confidence...and to be open to all possibilities that life may bring.  I guess it's "always something", but choosing love has allowed me to have that "something" be good.  Light and Happiness.  Life flows so much better when we choose love over fear, life over doubt, faith over darkness.

In his awesome book, "Love like That", Les Parrott writes about how we can love more like Jesus...
1.  Be mindful - not indifferent -by seeing what other's don't.
2.  Be approachable - not exclusive - by moving out of your comfort zone.
3.  Be grace-full - not judgmental - by not limiting your love to people who deserve it.
4.  Be bold - not fearful - by speaking truthfully and risking rejection.
5.  Be self-giving - not self-serving - by emptying yourself for empathy.

And then he says, "But here's what I've learned.  Ultimately, loving like Jesus - loving at this incredibly high level - is an internal quest.  It's not so much about doing as it is about being."

I completely agree.  This has been my experience, and while there is stuff to do, if we are doing without becoming, we might be wasting our time.  I chose Fear for so long, but I have had this great opportunity in recovery to choose Love...to become someone new and different...because of the love of my Savior, and the love of so many people.  Life works so much better this way, and is so much more fun...

Lose the fear...choose Love.