Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Wisdom says that we can control only our intent. We cannot control the past or the future, and we cannot control the consequences of what we do...our happiness would be greater as we humbly accepted what finally played out."
As part of our every single morning check-in at Desert Solace, we would state our intention for the day, and share that with the group. And before an activity, especially equine, the activity would be discussed with us...usually just the very basics of what we would attempt to achieve...and then each of us would say, "I choose into this activity and intend to experience, or create, ________.
So I learned right away, and over my ninety days there, the power of intention.
I had been living much of my life "unconsciously"...I hadn't really been paying attention. What does that mean? I thought, of course I was conscious. Well, come to find out I really hadn't been. As I've said, I was stuck in a rut. Pretty much the same thing every day. I didn't live life like it was a big, new, exciting adventure, but rather like it was pure drudgery...painful, difficult, and pretty crappy most of the time. The well worn phrase "It's always something!" pretty well described how I lived my life for so many years. What's the next bad thing coming around the corner, and when is it going to make me more angry and miserable? Of course, it wasn't like that every minute of every day, but as time went on that feeling really began to envelop me as darkness set in.
So in rehab I realized quickly that life didn't have to be like that, and I could actually change it. Or I could actually change how I looked at it, responded to in, and lived it. Once again, this was new and groundbreaking stuff for me!
In any discussion about intention, we need to talk about what is "real". Shane used to ask "What if I told you that this (every physical thing) was just an illusion?" This house, the chair you're sitting on, the cars outside, and so on. What!? I couldn't wrap my head around that one! But once again, with the help of Lynne and Shane, I began to understand that they were right...just because I could touch something, see something, even hear something doesn't mean it's "real"..."real" in the sense that it is lasting or eternal. I discovered that "real" things are what will be with me in a hundred years from now, a thousand, a million, an eternity. If I come back here a thousand years from now, my house will be gone. My car will be gone. Everything will be either gone or very different.
But...things that are "real" will still be with me. Love. Grace. Peace. Confidence. Connection. Joy.
"Real" most times cannot be described with words...it can only be experienced. I realized that the focus of my life...really, the lack of focus...had been on everything that was transitory, that simply didn't matter...at least in a long term, eternal sense. No wonder I was so freaking miserable!
In recovery, as I began to read scripture with new eyes and a new heart, as well as a clear mind, I remember reading in Philippians about a "peace that passeth all understanding." Wow! How awesome would that be? To live in a peace that cannot be understood or described! As time went on, this became very "real" to me, and so cool...
Back to intention. When we would choose into whatever our experience might be, we were choosing into life. As Lynne or Julie would say "You're going to do it anyway...you might as well choose into it." So when I choose into life, I am making a conscious choice to live my life...whatever that may look like. And while I am choosing in, I have the opportunity to be intentional. I choose what I would like to focus on, or what I would like to experience, or what I would like to create. Peace. Joy. Love. Connection. Etc. Something "real". Something lasting. Something that will really mean something and really make a difference...in my life or someone else's. Yes, there are times when an intention might just be to "have fun" or to "rest", but even then we are focused on our experience, and making in some way meaningful. Think...if we're having fun with our friend, we're actually creating connection...not just wasting time.
I have discovered that life is so much better...so much more fun, really...when I choose into it and live it with intention. I can begin each day with some quiet time, and choose my focus for the day. I can write it down in my journal. I can choose gratitude. I can choose peace. I can choose joy, which is different, and much better than happiness. But for me, most of that will not just happen accidentally. So I learned to live life "consciously", "intentionally", and to really "pay attention". And with attention comes awareness, which has been such a critical part of my personal journey and recovery.
Some notes from Lynne and Shane...
"How am I 'showing up' each day?" How do I 'show up' for my wife? My co-workers? My friends? My children or grandchildren? This means being authentic...no faking it.
"All I really have to give to the world is ME".
"Don't be addicted to excuses. You get reasons or results."
"Words are important...whatever you say, you create".
All of this asks for "choosing in"... and intention. And then just doing my best...and my best today is not going to be the same as yesterday. That's part of the adventure! I can create my own hell...which I was really, really good at...or I can create my own heaven. Now. In this life. Every day. But one requires focus, and the other doesn't.
I love what King Benjamin says in Mosiah. Chapter 4, verse 30:
"But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not."
As with most scripture, there's a lot more in there than meets the eye, but...Benjamin is talking about living an intentional life! That's it. Pay attention. Be focused. Be real. Be honest with yourself. Show up. It's just so much easier and so much better...We are going to live life today anyway, so choose into it...and experience something "real".
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